...a year ago....

A year ago from right this very minute I was in a very VERY different place...... deep in labor and awaiting the unknown.  Boy?  Girl?  What will he/she be like?  How will we be as parents?  How will I make it through the next contraction?  What is pushing going to feel like? (yikes!)  But mostly of course, I was just riding out the storm that is labor, enjoying the warm, warm water of the birthing tub and getting by with the strong, supportive hands and steady, calm eyes of my love.



And then she was here.



And just like that, everything changed.


What a year.  There were some unexpected and difficult times, very little sleep, a lot of learning, and a whole lot of loving.  And watching.  And smelling.  I still sometimes smell her hoping to catch a little bit of that newborn sweetness, but of course it is long gone.

I am still Amanda, still Mike's wife, but now I am also mama.  I am ever so grateful to not have lost my sense of self.  I am still very much able to be "me" fully, though the opportunities to stop and be mindful of that come and go depending on what kind of day we're having around here.  And that's okay.  That's part of it, after all.

I find such joy in watching this little girl grow and learn, and I am constantly amazed at what she is capable of and what she understands.  When I'm laying next to her nursing her these days my mind is racing with memories of this past year and I am often overwhelmed by how much I love her and wonder how much more love can I possibly feel?  Then the next day, I've got an answer.  A bit more, it turns out.

We ended up having a few close friends over for dinner tonight to celebrate this babe of ours.  Papa and I each made a different soup (potato/leek and carrot/ginger) and there was homemade bread, yummy local beer, and carrot cake and cupcakes.  Good friends, good food, good music.  Scattered about were many dozen photos of the birthday girl along with mama and papa's own first birthday pictures.  How fun to look at our own and search for her features and expressions.

Tomorrow, we'll have a few more visitors and likely she will have a second taste of cake.  And then perhaps the next day I will post photos from our celebrations this weekend and then a series of photos from the first year of our new little family's life together as 3.  I'll probably write a bit more about the big day as well because my mind is just spinning and there are oh so many words to say.

thank you Kelly for the beautiful birthday ring~

For now, I'm going to sit back and let this all sink in while I watch and love and wonder and dream.