5.12.2017

it isn't garbage


Our neighbor across the street, an elderly woman with a sadly ever increasing variety of health issues, has been in assisted living for quite some time now.  Since the end of last summer, probably.  Claire and I visited her a few times early on, but haven't been since she's been settled into a new place.  Going to see her again is always on my list, but it keeps being knocked back by others things that come up.  Really, there's no excuse.  I just need to voice it as a priority and do it.

In the meantime, her son and daughter in law have begun to clear out her house in earnest.  Trash day around here is Tuesday, and, almost like clockwork, every Sunday/Monday night(s) they are out there piling up stuff on the curb.  I think that in the beginning they maybe brought some things here or there to donate, and then my guess is that they ran out of time and energy and the emotional stamina required to go through your mother's things and now it ends up on the curb, bound for the landfill.  Or it would, anyway, if a certain someone (ahem) wasn't so keen on going through the neighbor's trash.



(it's me, I'm talking about me)


In the beginning there were big things- a ceiling fan still in the box, a pressure cooker, an iron, a hand mixer, a record player, tons of dishes, an 8 track player, what-have-you.  It became my regularly scheduled Monday night programming to just back my car down the driveway and load it all in the trunk to take to the thrift store the next day.  Claire joked about me going through the trash 'all the time' and once, when we were all sitting down to a meal, she keenly observed that we were mostly eating off of and drinking out of 'things from Bernice's trash!'.  She'd roll her eyes and laugh but there were small treasures for her as well and I can see that she appreciates them and understands why I am doing what I'm doing.  Little vases and things to use in her outdoor kitchen, a small statue for her fairy garden...... the perfectly sized glass for Violet (her beloved doll) to drink out of.  A metal toy lantern she was quick to hang in her fort.


There are times I am amazed at what ends up in the trash.  And not because I think everyone should be emotionally attached to things, even clearly sentimental things (though sometimes that is the case), but more because it is just so wasteful.  Surely someone would like these things?  Surely many of them are still of use?  Another part of me understands, though.  I imagine it gets to a point where you just have to plow through and become as unattached as you can from the process, and perhaps just piling it all in big black bags is the easiest, least painful way to do that.  We are good at self-preservation in many sneaky forms, we humans.



Pictured above are some of the things that I've shamelessly pulled from the neighbor's trash and kept. An old juicer (I passed along the electric one in favor of this sturdy old thing).  A falling-apart box of musty but beautiful paper-pieced quilt squares sewn onto newspaper from 1949- something about opening up that box (buried beneath a bunch of torn fabric that really did belong in the trash) as I sat on the back stoop one night while moths flung themselves hopefully at our back door light made my throat feel thick and my heart beat faster.  The significance of those squares, that work....... it was like a portal to another time and place.  I romanticize things, I know, but still......... it got to me and I feel like I'm looking at a treasure whenever I pull them out.

Thin, soft, hand sewn baby clothes with the tiniest of buttons and sweetest little embroidery stitches.  I couldn't put those back in the big black plastic bag.  What I'll do with them I do not know, but I see beauty in them that I can't just toss aside.

A pile of kitchen linens, a few tablecloths, a couple aprons.  Some of these things I've passed along to other homes I know would appreciate them. One of the aprons I have most happily claimed as my own and as much as one can love an apron, I love it.  And that part of me that has the tendency to romanticize things imagines that when I wear it I am in a some small way connecting to those who wore it years ago, before me.

A pile of useful kitchen ware.  Mugs and bowls already in heavy rotation.  Two metal plant stands, easily put to use around here.  A sturdy stoneware crock, and so much more.

All of it, though- it isn't garbage.  There is a nagging part of me that wants to bring some of it in when I go visit my neighbor~ the quilt squares, perhaps.  I wonder if they would trigger a happy memory, or a sad one?  I'd love to know their story but then feel that's a self-serving reason to bring them in.  My own grandmother is now in assisted living with dementia as her primary health concern and that surely is at least part of why I find myself weighing out the pros and cons of hauling this sweet woman's old treasures (or gosh, maybe they aren't old treasures- maybe they were in her garage when she moved in, or she picked them up for a dime at a yard sale in 1972, I have no clue!) in to her room and seeing what she has to say.

Sigh.  We'll see.






22 comments:

  1. I have to admit that I am not one for getting attached to "things". I utter the words "pack rat" in regards to the other two members of my family at least once a week. However, I also despise waste and keep my eyes peeled on bulk waste day in our neighborhood to save things that are definitely not garbage. I think you are doing a good thing, whether you save them for yourself or take them to Goodwill. A good lesson for your daughter either way. And the small "treasures" that your daughter kept sound exactly like the things my daughter would keep!

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    1. I feel like we are always trying to reduce the overall amount of stuff we have, which makes things like this tricky sometimes but mostly not. I've gotten pretty good about letting things go and holding onto the things that really bring me joy, and Claire has picked up on that for sure- We've talked a lot about how if she had LOTS of dolls (or insert anything here) then it kind of diffuses the 'specialness' of each one. I sometimes have to remind myself to be a good example of that ;)

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  2. I love your writings and musings...you bring back a simpler more natural way of living...love you girlue

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    1. oh thank you, Karla! I really appreciate you taking the time to share that with me. I hope all is well with you! xo

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  3. I have that corningware in my house and it is NOT garbage!! I am so focused on recycling and donating that it appalls me when people throw in the garbage something that can be reused!!!

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    1. I know! My in laws have a ton of that corning ware and love it, and I always like to use the small square dishes as bowls when I'm visiting them, so I'm happy to now have a couple of our own :)

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  4. wow - what treasures you've found! It's a great thing, what you're doing, taking the "trash" to the thrift store rather than letting it end up in a land fill somewhere. Maybe you could finish that quilt for her?

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    1. the fabric is so old and fragile, I'm not so sure......... but I do really like the idea. I think I'm going to start with taking some of the squares when I go to visit and asking her if she can tell me anything about them. then I'll go from there!

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  5. I am so glad you are finding these treasures. After my grandparents died, their full-to-the-brim house was sold "as is" and everything was most likely tossed in a dumpster. It breaks my heart. Yes, there was a lot of junk, but there was also a lot of stuff that could've gone to use. Plus, there was stuff that had sentimental value, like Grammy's Christmas ornaments. The same thing was done with my great-aunt's house. I try to donate my belongings I no longer use/want, but I wonder how much of it ends up in a dumpster behind the Salvation Army.

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    1. that's how I often feel looking through this stuff- yes, lots of junk, but buried in there are lots of treasures, too. I'm sorry you didn't get your hands on any of your Grammy's ornaments. I know how sometimes something simple like that can hold so many stories and emotions.

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  6. Part of living in a small house is that I'm always trying to pare down, but I can't imagine not making space for some of these treasures. Sometimes stuff is just stuff. But sometimes it's uncanny how certain stuff winds its way into the hands of just the right person. Almost like it has a bit of soul or life of its own.

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    1. that's us too, for sure. our place isn't teeny tiny, but at 1200+ square feet, it is small by today's standards and I'm always looking to get rid of things we don't need. plus it just feels so good to not be surrounded by so much stuff! I've definitely got my weak spots though........ papers, books, kitchen stuff........ and apparently other (especially elderly) people's garbage ;)

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  7. I love that you include both sides of the story... well... an understanding of the other side anyway. Who knows what they are feeling and why they are doing this, but I am so glad that you are not letting those treasures go to a landfill!!! I paid quite a bit for a very similar juicer on ebay. It is so sturdy and well made. Money well spent. I certainly have a soft spot for older things. I think some of us, instead of seeing something "old", see something of quality and true value. This post touched my heart on so many levels. When you described opening the package with the quilt pieces it brought tears to my eyes. I felt like i was sitting next to you (i wish). Thank you for sharing this experience.

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    1. I try...... while I may think it is wasteful and shortsighted to be throwing all this useful stuff to the curb, at the same time I can see they are tired and drained, so I try to understand without judgement. I know that sometimes it feels so good and so necessary to just part with things, and I understand that sometimes time and energy are limited. So.

      I do love that little juicer. I've been using it to squeeze lemons for my morning lemon-water. It is missing one little pad under the back side, so it wobbles a bit but that's not really a problem. Yes indeed about seeing the older things as things of higher quality and true value. It is so true that things in general aren't made the way they used to be! I think so many things are now manufactured to be temporary and disposable and that makes me sad.

      I think it would have been so nice if we were sitting together opening up that box of old quilt squares :)

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  8. those quilt pieces would look amazing framed and hung up as a gallery wall... just sayin' :)

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    1. that's a great idea! there are several- enough to make a small quilt if I got brave enough. it's funny- I imagine that when I take them she is likely not to recall them, and they WERE thrown into the trash, but still....... I don't consider them mine. The other stuff, sure. But this is different. I don't think I'll decide what to do with them until after I bring some to show her when I go visit.

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  9. My mother passed away a year and a half ago and when my dad decided to sell the house, it fell to my sister and me to pack up 63 years of stuff. Like you, I thought that surely someone could use everything and it was a shame to throw perfectly good stuff. Some went to the thrift store and some to an auction and much of it is in my spare room. But we only threw out things that were broken or not usable.

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    1. That must have been an intense time for you and your sister- going through her things while working through your grief....... ooph.

      Thank you for sharing~

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  10. This post totally made laugh, I'd be all over the trash too! I'm surprised that people just put stuff in the trash these days, I think we've been conditioned out here since we are easily fined and have tiny cans. Still I can imagine that there is all sort of emotion wrapped up in that process. So kind of you to visit her.

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    1. I am a shameless trash-picker, 'tis true!

      :)

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thanks for taking the time to read and comment~