breakfast time reflections~

Claire seems to really dig breakfast time these days.  Not just the eating part, but that time of day in general.  She gets to come with me to check on the chickens, "helps" to feed them by crashing her little hand into the bowl of corn and flinging a few pieces down to the ground, hangs out on my back while I gather fire wood to start the fire (because as much as we like heating with the wood stove, we don't like getting up all night to feed it and so..... by morning it is out and the heat is running) and plays on the kitchen floor as I make our breakfast.

thanks to Erin for the delicious jam~

We tend to stick close to home in the mornings since we are still on a 2-nap-a-day schedule, and I must say I love having an excuse to take the mornings slowly and stay in my pajamas until after that first nap.  Not that I always (or even often, anymore) take that nap along with her, but because there's just no reason not to.  And because pajamas are comfy.  And because I can.

As time passes and our days get much easier (meaning, really, that I spend so much less time having to hold her while trying to do x, y, and z) and develop a natural rhythm and flow, I find myself more and more grateful that I am able to be home with this little one.  In those early months of no sleep (true, we still have a ways to go in the sleep department, but there certainly has been some improvement) and constant bouncing/rocking/soothing I sometimes forgot that that was what I chose, and that I was ever so lucky to be able to do so.  I recall often being envious of Mike, able to leave our surreal little world to go out into that other world, and to do so with such ease and freedom.  I also recall other more seasoned mothers assuring me that it would get easier and that those two worlds would in fact come together at some point.  I believed them.  Sort of.  And now I see it, the way in which the two have turned into one in such a beautiful and effortless (though of course there was nothing effortless about it, not really...) way.  And so now instead of feeling envious I feel so very grateful, so very fortunate about being able to be on this ride with my girl, watching her every step of the way.  I know that it's not possible for everyone to do the same, and I know that a lot of people find a wonderful balance in bringing those two worlds together in whatever way works best for them.  There are so many ways to do this, to parent, and as long as love and kindness are the driving factors, then I don't think you really can go wrong.  I also know, of course, that we will still have challenging days and that I will at times wish I could step a little more freely into that other world again, but you know what?  I'll take it.  I'll take this.

Just the way it is.  Just the way we've created it.

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