friday roundup

the good

this week I got to meet a new little babe, brought into the world bum-first (he was frank breech) at home, naturally, by his rockstar mama

a play date with our mamatime friends at a park in Asheville led to some hand-in-hand wandering around the city by Claire and I.... whenever I spend time downtown it reminds me of why I love it down here, we've got a good thing going.

we are no longer worrying about pertussis, but while it was on my mind a lot I discovered how much I actually enjoy eating whole cloves of raw garlic

Margaret is alive and well

later this morning we head to West Virginia for the weekend for a wedding
it's always good to shake it up for a few days.... a mini adventure for this family of three
no doubt there will be some out of tune singing of John Denver's classic along the way,
which Claire likes very much and when she tries to sing it she gets stuck on repeat and says the same thing over and over... its quite cute

more planting of (almost exclusively native) perennials and a few things for the garden after not one but two trips back to the big greenhouse over the last two days, before they close for the year and while their prices make it too hard to resist not going... yesterday, some mountain mint, bee balm, more coreopsis & coneflower, native saint john's wort, a couple tomatoes to replace the ones we had to pull, bronze fennel and lemon verbena.  Today I went back for more mountain mint & bee balm, coreopsis, some cute little purple flowers called 'balloon flowers', a spreading native geranium, chamomile, garden phlox, penstemon...... I think that's it.  Good thing they're shutting down for the year or I might be in need of an intervention

the not-so-good

sometimes, especially lately, we're (the grown ups) having a bit of a hard time finding our happy.  we are snippy and rude to each other, we forget to look out for each other's time and energy, forget we're on the same side, get defensive......   I get that that is all a part of willingly deciding to commit to spending your life with one person.... that it's hard sometimes, that it's natural to go through times when you feel like you really don't want to look at that other person for a while, (sorry babe, no offense....) let alone talk to them and live with them and hash out life details with them.

I know we're good because I still make sure to hug big hugs several times a day, to really look at him when I tell him I love him, because we make each other laugh, because we respect each other as parents and when I watch him with Claire it always makes my heart so happy, because we can almost always shrug the crap off and come away smiling with not too much effort.  But still, when the crap builds up and there's stress from this and that (and the other, don't forget the other) and we're being less-than-nice to each other, it gets me down.  Because I want our world to be one where even when we are super stressed, we are always kind and considerate to each other.  Where we always give each other the benefit of the doubt, always look out for each other, and never say hurtful things just because we can.  I think about how, when we're stressed and frustrated with someone, they are supposedly mirrors for us to look into to see things about ourselves that are bothering us.  Things that we do that perhaps we don't like.  When I'm in a good place and feeling calm I remember that and I breathe.  I try to think before I speak, remember that we are human, both of us.  I remember that we are deeply in love, that we know each other like no one else does.  I think back on all of our years together and about the things we've done and the places we've gone.

And usually, if I make the effort to do all of that (which I of course do not always do in the midst of the funk), a smile spreads across my face and the memories flood me with happy thoughts and a warm fuzzy or two.  And my not-so-good turns back into good.  And I think as long as that's the way it plays out more often than not, we're doing alright, and we've got our happy, after all.

linking up with Monica at ink&chai for keeping it real


  1. About the not-so-good part of this blog:

    Have you just read my blog??? I just stated almost exactly the same thing you did on yours...marriage is NOT easy...and the one thing I always want is for us to have each others backs. I get snippy, he gets snippy, the kids make us snippy...it's something we are always working on...this thing called marriage. There are ways I get through it...I do a lot of praying and reading my Bible, and I think back to a Bible study I did ages ago on how to be a good wife. Some days I get it. Some I don't.

    Hang in there, though...it's worth the effort and time it takes to have a good marriage, and I see lots of good in you and Mike. I love you! Kiss that sweet girl from her Auntie Jen. :)

    1. hey jen~ no, I hadn't read it.

      at the end of the day, we're really good, I just hate that we aren't always as kind to each other as we each deserve. I want the automatic reaction to be always set on loving kindness and not on impatient 'snippyness', you know? more than anything, what helps me is looking back/thinking back on sweet memories and laughing together over our silly adventures together.

      I think "how to be a good wife" (or husband, for that matter) is something that shifts with the circumstances and varies day to day depending on what you're going through. I can't imagine a set rule book, but if we strive for loving-kindness in our interactions with those we love most, that's all we can really do.

      consider her kissed ;)


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