exhale.

it hasn't strictly been quiet hospital visits and calls to the Critical Care nurses for updates this week.  there have been other, happier things scattered about of course.  thank goodness for those things.  things like a surprise cache of carrots found as Claire and I were out in the garden yesterday prepping the beds a bit once it had warmed up some in the afternoon.  "they're sooooo sweet, Mama, wow!"

oh yes, they are.

sometimes soul food and good medicine are disguised as dirty little root vegetables, 

you know?

we've got a few trays of onion (3 kinds), leek, and shallot seeds just starting to sprout under lights in the office/classroom.  I'm amazed that a count before bedtime of 13 sprouted seedlings can turn into 22 by morning, and 39 by the following night.  those little seeds- they are amazing.  I'm so glad we're starting them in the house this year, as opposed to down in the basement.  we have much more room for trays down there, but up here they're getting all sorts of love and attention.

she has been very much into writing these days.  sometimes letters, often words.  copying some and sounding out others (that says 'jet' up there, that funny one- she's always making sure that she's got her 'Es' covered in the horizontal marks department).  she has also been getting out some works again and doing them on her own, which is leading me to believe it may be time for me to get it together and begin to offer her some sort of regular 'school' rhythm.  I'm so intent on not pushing her, but I'm happy to follow her lead.

and then there's art.  always, always art.  she is a natural , I do believe.

humor me and allow me to give you the description of this picture that was given to me.  it went something like this:

"this is a house with a birthday party inside. the little dots in the windows are all balloons. outside there are carrots- they are still under ground because they are still growing, and kale.  I'm wearing my princess dress and climbing a ladder to smell that tall, pretty flower.  on the other side is a fruit tree that has plums, blueberries, apples, and bananas.  also, another flower.  in the sky are raindrops (they are the red things) coming from the cloud (it's pink, naturally), a sun, bumblebees, and (this is my favorite part) a magic window in the sky."

and there you have it, folks. straight from the horse's mouth.

and so, these are the sorts of things (along with tea, smoothies, those little plants I've already told you about, that quilt purchase, perusing this etsy store of one our blog swappers, a couple episodes of Call the Midwife, and some knitting) that have been keeping me feeling calm and steady and soothed as I've been worrying about that laid-up mama of mine.

and, well.... I am beyond pleased to report that, while she has in fact not been moved out of ICU yet, she has really and truly made some real progress over the last 24 hours.  they have been able to take her off of the BiPap, so she is using just the nasal cannula for O2 supplementation and her levels are holding in an acceptable range.  if she continues to do so overnight and they can wean her O2 supplementation percentage down just a bit, she'll be cleared to move into a regular room tomorrow.  according to her husband, one of the nurses told him hers was the worse case of pneumonia she'd seen in years, and her initial nurse upon admission told him that had she not come in right away, had she waited another 12-24 hours, she may have gone into full respiratory failure and not come out of it.  these are things I'm letting stew in my mind, but only very little.  because thank goodness, those are not 'what-ifs' that need be entertained.

Claire and I are driving out to see her in the morning.  Homemade chicken broth, big love and smiles, and a nourishing smoothie in tow.  I've talked to Claire a bit about hospitals, told her they were full of germs and sick folks and that she must wash her hands a lot while we're there.  and that she can't lick the floor, or anything like that.

it's damn good to be getting towards the other side of all of this.  I no longer feel those bricks crushing down on my chest, and what a relief that is, for everyone.  good work, mama~ keep it up!