After a wonderfully active weekend filled with much goodness, I've settled into a more introspective and slow paced kind of goodness these past two days. Puttering around, picking berries, working on a writing project, sharing a dessert for dinner with a friend (made with the lemon curd that she and another woman contributed to the swap and berries from the yard), starting and stopping various household tasks...
There has been much rain and I've surrendered to the suggestion it seems to be making to stay close to home and just be. There was more pasta, another movie, the beginnings of paint selection for our kitchen walls and cabinets...
I also made her a very simple mobile out of driftwood collected on my recent kayaking trip. Maybe I'll add some feathers and seashells to it, maybe not...
And now I am in the homestretch of this surreal space of time that has been all my own, to do with what I please. My people are heading down interstate 81 and will be here in time for dinner. I haven't even talked to her once over the course of these five days. Which blows my mind. The opportunity has arisen time and time again, of course, but always met with a "no, I'm busy" on her part. I happen to not question her love and such for me at all, and so I am not knocked down to a weeping mess by this repeated proclamation. Instead, I have taken it as simply her way to get through this separation, and a sign that she is spreading her wings a bit. I imagine her self-confidence growing by leaps and bounds by this experience. She can do it. I can do it. We are doing it. We have nearly done it.
She isn't the only one growing and learning to let go just a bit. This has been so good for me, and not only for the obviously lovely self-care it has allowed me to see to. I have felt my breath deepen, along with my gratitude. I have felt my sense of self outside of being a mother gaining ground and strength, something I wasn't so aware of needing. Of course I needed it. Need it. I have missed my people, that goes without saying. And it was hard at first- don't forget I was crying, sobbing, in the driveway and in the street as I watched them drive away. But during this time I suppose what became most clear is that I was missing myself a bit before, and the reacquainting that has happened over these five days has been lovely, nourishing, and soul-soothing. My cup is full and surely we will all, as a family, benefit from that. And from all of the cup-filling we've each experienced throughout this little separation.
So now I'm off to tend to loose ends around here, think about dinner, and prepare to welcome my loves home. Home, home, home. And maybe paint my toenails red. If I can get all the garden grime off of them, that is.
how nice you got to revisit yourself and have fun being alone. It will serve you well when she spreads her wings as she ages. Lovely post.
ReplyDeletewhen she got home I swear she looked so grown up to me~ a little spreading of the wings, for sure!
Deletethank you~
self care is really so important.
ReplyDeleteAnd I HATE being separated from my kids. I think it's just part of what makes us moms. But it IS healthy once in a while.
I gave up on trying to paint my toenails a while ago.
Like you...too much gardening. Especially in the Summer. Then in the Winter why do it..because who sees the toes, right?
it is so hard but yes, very important and healthy~
DeleteI went all out and painted my fingernails (which I never do) AND my toenails bright red..... that was two days ago and they are all chipped and grubby now and I am reminded of (one of the reasons) why I don't do this stuff.
what a beautiful time for you! and i am sure this will do you and claire a lot of good and serve you both well.
ReplyDeletehope you are all having a wonderful reunion :)
it felt good- both the time alone and the reunion. she looks so much bigger to me, now, too~
Deletethis all deserves some real face to face chatting about...the empty nest, the self care, the "who am I?", the kitchen cabinet colors...hello!!...big. important. stuff.
ReplyDeleteare those bean pods hanging on your wall? is that how you dry them out?
I am excited about the potential for an actual face to face chat in the fall........ think of all the (first world) big important stuff we could go on about!
Deletethey are hot peppers~ I've not grown drying beans until this year, but in the past when I've saved seeds from green beans, I've just let them dry out on the plants until brittle. this year we've got pinto beans growing, so we'll see.....