weekending: cold rain, warm fire
We welcomed the first weekend of May with the opening day of the tailgate market and our first fire in nearly a month. It's been cool and rainy here the last several days it's made for an interesting combination of market shopping, gardening, once again searching for dry kindling, and hot cocoa consumption on the couch while watching movies with my girl. Our first market adventure of the year, though chilly, was still grand. We made the rounds, she and I. Visiting a bit with good friends, some seen regularly and others not since the market closed in October, (I swear the market is the best social scene here in town), picked up our pastries for breakfast along with some goat cheeses and chard, clumsily peeled a teeny tiny hard-boiled quail egg with frigid fingers, and then headed out seeking warmth. In the form of a fire and blankets. I couldn't resist, however, stopping at the once-yearly rummage/plant sale at the unitarian church in town (it was on the way home) because I always find something great and it's usually no more than fifty cents. Seriously. This time around I scored some decent art supplies (a handful of paintbrushes and a barely used set of 45 rembrandt soft pastels), a small picnic basket, a dandelion seed print on canvas, a small quilted wall hanging, some short wire fencing for the garden, to put around whatever it is at the time that I need to protect from chickens (I'm thinking that was quite a steal, seeing as how at fifty cents it will contribute to marital harmony and bliss as now Mike won't have to look at, and be bothered by, my plant-protecting-contraptions that I tend to throw together now and then. truly, I'll be glad to not have to look at them either), and one of those expanding wall organizing thingamajiggers to hang in the mudroom so we have somewhere to hang our stuff until I put up the branch hooks I keep saying I'm going to cut and hang. ahem. it's only been about 3 or 4 months, give me some time...... I can't help it if I don't get to the things I see on pinterest in any sort of reasonable amount of time. Oh, and also a pretty purple dress for a quarter.
After we got home I went out to collect eggs, empty the ashes from the wood stove, look for kindling and, well..... and there was a yard sale across the street and so I kind of sort of had to at least look, right? Right? I came back with a small pyrex bowl, a reusable sandwich wrap and two lawn chairs. The kind you can lie down on. I'm foreseeing some summer reading on the deck in one of those..... with a cold drink and a soft cushion. Sounds about right.
And then she and I got settled on the couch, under blankets, hot cocoa in hand(s) and watched Shaun the Sheep and Tinkerbell. We do very little screen time for this one, so this was a bit of a treat. For both of us, honestly.
(in case you've not yet been made aware, I will inform you now that hot cocoa must always, always be consumed from a santa claus mug. don't even try to put it in anything else. I think she's onto something, honestly)
Things have settled a bit since I wrote my last post. I received a fair amount of feedback afterwards and appreciate all of it, so thank you much if you took time to leave words of wisdom and encouragement. I was also reminded that it wouldn't be a bad idea to take a break now and then. You know, clock out and do something on my own or with other grownups from time to time. Oh yes, forgot about that. I talked with the papa a bit, asking him to please help by reminding to do just that from time to time. He is in no way keeping me from doing it, it's all me. With him gone for 24 hours at a time for work, I tend towards wanting to spend time together, the three of us, on his days at home. I need to be mindful about heading out on my own, instead, from time to time. And about not allowing any self-imposed guilt to creep in following that decision. I think one reason it can be so hard for mothers to do this, to remove ourselves from our familial setting when it doesn't appear that it is absolutely necessary, is because it is easy to forget what 'time to ourself' means. There is this new identity, motherhood, that seems so all-encompassing that maybe it's hard to remember there's other stuff in there as well. I mean, of course I know I am much more than just a mother. That I was and am my own person aside from this somewhat new and very consuming role. But still, it can be easy to forget. And not necessarily in a bad way, just...... well, if you are a mother, you know. I need not explain, or rather, bumble my way through trying to.
So very well then- a break now and again. I hereby vow to make dates with myself whereupon I hang my mama hat at the door and go out looking for that other girl buried deep down in here somewhere. truly, I don't think she's that deeply buried, but at the very least in need of a little dusting off.
In other news, there are new books. I was having trouble slogging through my most recent book choices so I put them on the shelf for now (or rather, back on the shelf at the library) in exchange for some others.
I can smell the coffee is ready, and I need to shower before we head out to brunch, so I'm off.
weekending with amanda