miscellany

We find ourseleves these days working through some challenges.  Ones of the two and a half year old sort.  I know it is all normal and that it is just a phase, but sometimes I feel so conflicted and frustrated.  I find myself struggling to balance out my initial reactions and what my brain and heart tell me to do and say.  And those three things do not always jive.  Claire got her first bee sting the other day.  On her head.  She swelled a little at the site and was quite a trooper.  I also got one on my shoulder.  Mike had the hives open and apparently what used to be a perfectly safe watching distance is no longer.  I suppose they have stuff to protect in there, which is fine by me.

Last weekend was Bele Chere in Asheville, a giant street festival that I used to attend and have decided in recent years can tend towards too hot and crowded for me.  I guess I'm getting old and codgery.  But this weekend was also the year anniversary of the fire that claimed the life of one of Mike's coworkers, a captain at the Asheville Fire Dept., so there were some memorial events going on.  Claire and I rode the shuttle bus into town so that we wouldn't have to fight festival traffic, and we hung out for a couple hours, taking in the scenes, eating huge soft pretzels, and watching Mike play with the FD pipes and drum band.  I think the highlight for her was her first bus ride.

We had a visit from a dear friend this weekend as well, and spent some time out at the firefighter camp for a new building dedication for Captain Bowen.

Sunday morning we slowly readied ourselves for the drive up to New Jersey and didn't hit the road until early afternoon.  Now we're up at Mike's folks' place, calling it home for the next week or so and getting in some good visiting and exploring.  The plan is to relax, eat yummy food, visit with good friends, host a little gathering, take a train to Philly, visit Howell Farm and maybe a couple others, possibly go to the beach, the aquarium.... Perhaps a Phillies game for papa.  We'll see.  For now, on with the visiting.

hard times and good food

these past few days following our very full weekend have been quite trying.  especially hard on the littlest one, which in turn of course trickles out to make it quite difficult for all of us.  we may have pushed her limits a bit this past weekend with all of the to'ing and fro'ing, the going and going.  the hardly-ever-at-home-ing.  seems she wakes on the wrong side of the bed and stays there most of the day, and with restless sleep all night long to add insult to injury.

thankfully today we had lots of tasty food to offset the not-so-pretty moments.  happiness today was brought to us by.......

whole wheat blueberry oat muffins~

pasta carbonara made with some awesome local bacon picked up from our favorite farmers on Saturday morning (and the Abita amber didn't hurt)~

and last but in no way anywhere at all near least, homemade blueberry ice cream~

the ice cream made Claire literally jump for joy, dashing and spinning across the dining room as I scooped the creamy goodness into our bowls and asked (much more loudly than necessary) "does anyone want ice cream?"  she giggled and shouted "me! me! I do! me, mama, me!" just in case I wasn't sure that she wanted in.  I think I told her twice, at least twice that "that's it, no more for tonight".... but that smile was pure magic and it felt like I hadn't seen it all day and so yeah, I gave her more.  and then a little bit more.

sometimes lately when I see she's having a difficult time and feel it starting to wear me down and feel it beginning to put me into my own state of frazzled, I remind myself that I don't remember how hard it was to be 2 and a half.  that it's all so much more frustrating and challenging for her than it is for me.  (and believe me, I get to feeling quite frustrated and challenged fairly regularly)  that I'm the grown up here, the guide, and that I need to find my happy place and look past the twisted expression and the piercing sounds that sometimes accompany the harder moments, right into the beautiful, growing, lovely, magical little person that she is.  the little person who is doing her best to navigate these choppy waters of little-personhood, who brings such joy to our world, and who is, in many ways, my guide as well.

my heart is still practically swelling from those much needed ice cream smiles.

weekending : busy-style

this weekend was so different from our usual slow mornings, french toast, and pajama-clad walks around the yard and garden.  on friday we helped pack and move boxes and furniture into the new space for the art program and then spent the rest of that day hanging out at the firefighter's campground (a spot along the french broad river with a small camping area, pavilion, playground, multi-purpose building, grills, etc.) for a friend's wedding reception.  not that hanging out is very difficult, but there is quite a bit of gathering of supplies for even a one night camping trip.  Claire stayed up until 11pm (or so) that night and we all slept fairly well in the tent by the river.  in the morning she went out on the river with papa for a quick paddle in his kayak.  

about an hour after we got home from camping, we left again, this time for another friend's annual (6th annual- which impresses me) lawn games tournament.  I'd never been to a lawn games tournament.  it was awesome.  it spread out over three yards and into the (blocked off) street in front of their house.  there were varying degrees of competitiveness among the teams and it made for a pretty fantastic saturday afternoon.  I learned to play bocce ball.  I was reminded how to play root ball.  corn hole, of course.  badminton.  ping pong.  now I want a bocce ball set.  we surprised ourselves and went undefeated for our first three rounds, ending the day with 4 wins and 2 losses.  not that that's important.  we made it to the quarter finals and then lost in bocce ball. the trophy (a gold-painted doll glued to a manwich can glued to a piece of wood with dog tags engraved with previous year's winners...... pretty sweet, huh?) was not ours for the taking but we left with our heads held high and our bellies full of good food and drink.

this morning we woke up early and drove an hour to pick blueberries with friends.

the pace and needs of toddlers can have quite a strong impact on berry picking outcome, but we still made out pretty well and brought home 2 gallons.  I had aimed for 3, but I always aim unrealistically high when it comes to berry picking.  I had enough containers in the car for about 5 gallons.  you know, just in case.

most of these berries are heading to the freezer seeing as how we still have a good stash of jam from our marathon blueberry jam making session last summer.  some will be enjoyed right now, some will go into blueberry ice cream.  perhaps a pie or cobbler....  ooooooh, blueberry cobbler topped with blueberry ice cream, perhaps?

now it's sunday night and I'm listening to rain and crickets through the open window, welcoming the cool breeze and preparing myself for a big day of nothing tomorrow to balance out all of the doing of the weekend.  and I'm also trying not to stick my tongue in the gaping hole where a wisdom tooth lived until last thursday.  which makes me feel like I'm about eight years old again.


*linking up with amanda at the habit of being

tractor ride

sweet summer fun~

back yard goodness

I love this time of year, when a walk around the garden yields all of this delicious goodness.  And then there's the greens, garlic, onions, and herbs..... it all makes me quite happy.  We'll be swimming in tomatillos soon so I'm on the lookout for a tried and true salsa verde recipe.  Let me know if you've got one you love!

Also, speaking of tasty things from the back yard..... while Mike had the hives open for a peek the other day he accidentally broke some of the cappings on one of the frames with honey.  So I accidentally stuck my finger in there and swiped a tiny little taste of the sweet and sticky goodness.  Mmmm mmmm good.

summer weekend

we watched our bees pile into their hives, legs heavy with what we think is sunflower pollen

my new scented geraniums are happy in their thrifted tin 'pots'~ I look forward to bringing them in when it's colder so that we can enjoy their lovely and varied scents indoors.  But I will happily wait many months for the cold to set in...... there's so much summer to still enjoy!

I peeked in on the parsnips, grabbed a few to dice and add into the mix tonight for our stuffed zucchini, made with one of several large zucchinis that we were sent home from a friend's house with last night.  

I froze most of it.  Maybe I should do something with the growing pile of yellow and patty pan squash from our own garden..... more squash pie, I suppose~  You can't really go wrong with flaky, buttery crust, sharp cheddar, onions and squash.

Mike opened the hives and oh-my-goodness those girls are rocking it this year!  Such a sweet satisfaction, knowing they are doing well.  Thriving.  I admit I kind of held my breath this year, waiting a while before I let myself exhale and get excited.  It was disappointing having our single hive fail last year.  But, we learned a lot and here we are.  That up there is a nearly full frame of capped honey.  It was pulled from the second box of the back hive, so it will be theirs to help them get through the winter.  But there is some action in the third box, the (for now) top one.  And that might just be ours for the taking.  We shall see.

Dinner with friends at their house.  A house within walking distance to town and still surrounded by 1.5 acres.  Enough for 11 chickens, a large garden, these 2 dwarf Nigerian goats and Vinca the horse, below.  We ate outside with all of them roaming around and it really couldn't have been any more pleasant.  Claire and their almost-four-year-old son played together wonderfully for well over an hour, I hung with the sweetest little baby girl (not my own) and my mind briefly wandered into thoughts about maybe having another one day.  It didn't stay there long, but it was sweet while it lasted.  Baby goat Violet snuggled in my lap looking for petting.  I may have also carried her around a bit.  Maybe.

Claire tried on her new bud's harness and got swung around by papa and then by a rope hanging in the barn.  She loved it.  We've been thinking about getting her one and now I think it's all but a done deal.  We went home with full bellies, an armful of zucchini, and a pint of fresh goat milk from Petunia, Violet's mama.

Rain (and a desire to stay home, eat pancakes *recipe below*, and do nothing) kept us from the market Saturday morning.  It was a nice slow morning that maybe could have been slightly improved by there having been bacon with the pancakes, but you know, we survived.  Both of our neighboring girls had birthday parties.  Which means birthday cake times two.  Not that I really have a problem with that.  Beeba came for a visit.  We ate lots of melon.  The sun and blue sky made appearances off and on throughout the weekend.

All in all, a sweet weekend filled with friends and family and food.

our "go-to" pancake recipe, adapted from Laurel's Kitchen:

1/4 cup wheat germ
1/4 cup flaxseed meal
1 1/2 cups whole wheat flour (you can use any mix of flours here)
1/2 cup oats
2 t baking powder
1 T brown sugar
1/2 t sea salt
2 (or more) large eggs
2-3 cups milk
2 T coconut oil (this time I couldn't get the lid open, so I used apple sauce and they were great)

mix dry
combine with slightly beaten egg and milk
add in oil

heat up the pan and cook 'em!
(makes 15-20 pancakes, depending on the size of course)

*these also work well for savory pancakes, I just mix in whatever veggies/herbs I want, plus an extra egg and voila!



*linking up with amanda over at the habit of being

lackadaisical

We are a bit over halfway through our summer break, Claire and I.  It's funny how now as the mother of a young child, even though my paid work is on a hiatus it doesn't feel like there's been an enormous change.  Likely because my paid work amounts to only about 15 hours a week during the school year, but also, I think, because the unpaid work of mothering is all consuming.  Whether it's summer break or not.  It just is what it is.  My days are dictated largely by her needs and wants and there are quite a few more hours in the day to fill beyond those 3 hours a day I'll be working again come mid-August.

But still.  Of course I've noticed some differences.  I am a big fan of not having to go to work for a while.  I acknowledge that it is a gift of sorts, one for which I am very grateful.  Laziness, I dare say, suits me well.  But let's call it something else, shall we?

Do-nothingness.  Lackadaisicalness.

It doesn't really matter what I call it, I just love that the days are deliciously ours.  Whether or not we decide to do much beyond the house and yard.  And often we don't.  Many days are spent waking slowly, making breakfast and then lingering over it, then exploring the yard and garden with coffee in hand to see what, if anything, has changed since the day before.  A few more strawberries, a tomato ripening, the trickling in of first raspberries and now blueberries.  We'll probably max out at about a pint of blueberries this first year with our 6 bushes, not all of which are fruiting yet.  But one day, maybe we'll make jam with our own berries.  We collect a few eggs, toss some corn to the hens, watch birds at the new bird feeder outside her window.  Maybe make some art.  Maybe visit some friends or walk or ride into town.  Perhaps the library.  Often there is a good amount of drama thrown in there, too.  She is nearly two and a half after all and is most certainly finding her personality and making her desires known.  I am constantly reminding myself that I need not get flustered.  I just need to be there, to hear her, offer what I can, step away if things get too angsty.  It is a dance that I find quite challenging sometimes, but I take heart in knowing that it's just part of it.  All of it.  And that each thing will pass to make room for the next and there will be beauty and there will be ugliness but that it is all meaningful and necessary.  I think about how, if adults always behaved, at any given moment, how we truly felt right then and there, things would seem quite different.  I remember that and it helps me ride out the harder moments with her a bit more easily.  We are human.  We are emotion.  I don't remember how trying and confusing it was to be a toddler.  She reminds me of that and puts me in my place.  Her parent, her guide.  "Oh wow, I'm her guide" I think.  That grounds me and reminds me that I had better find my own calm before attempting to do anything as remarkably important as guiding another developing little human being.

Well.  That paragraph started with synonyms for laziness and took quite a turn.  I've done a decent job this past week of getting myself to sleep earlier, shutting off the computer earlier.  That has resulted in much less writing and as I sit here, aiming to briefly chronicle our past few summer days, much more seems to be pouring out.  Part of that is simply the aim to be honest.  To not send out the message that our world is all berries and bliss.  There are berries, and occasionally bliss.  But there's all that other stuff too.  The stuff of households and marriages and parents and children the whole world over.

But now I'd like to return to these summer days.  These fleeting summer days.  I feel just a wee little bit of a flame under myself these days.  Nudging me ever so slightly to make some plans.  To go, to do, to see, feel and taste the summer before it's over.  More ice cream dates, picnics, waterfalls, trails.  More berry picking and paddling and exploring and bike rides.  At least one more camping trip.  A visit, somehow and somewhere, to the coast.

And a whole bunch more lackadaisicalness, too.  After all, if I'm really gonna call it like it is then I've got to admit that we are essentially a trio of homebodies.

soft, easy morning

Yesterday was a trying day.  I was tired and cranky, unmotivated and easily overwhelmed.  Claire was tired and cranky, and wanted me and didn't at the same time.  Honestly it was a day that I preferred she not want me.  At least for a few sweet stretches of time.  I just needed to..... be.  Just a little.

Mike was home, it was his fourth of four days off in a row.  He was considerably more motivated and less overwhelmed than I, though likely just as tired.  We are both moved into that space of feeling overwhelmed and frustrated at times, and we (not always gracefully and courteously) ride the line of taking it out on each other and just cruising through our mood without affecting the whole house.  Luckily we're not usually feeling that way at the same time.  He instead was operating in a more relaxed and roll-with-it kind of way.  We are both often feeling like that, too.  I guess the trick is finding the groove where we are simultaneously operating in the roll-with-it the majority of the time, and trying not to find ourselves both in the overwhelmed-and-frustrated at the same time.  A dance, really.  One all couples are familiar with.  And perhaps especially after they share parenthood and all of the new restrictions placed on one another's time and rest and such.

And so, given the defeated way I felt at the end of yesterday (which was, of course, not without it's high moments~ ones such as digging potatoes with my loves, watching and listening to storms rolling in, and having a surprise visit by a woman whose great grandfather had built (or financed the building of, anyway) our home in 1924...) it was a very good decision on my part to go to sleep with Claire last night.  Sometime before 8:30.  No checking of emails, no writing of blog posts, no movies.  Nothing.  Just sleep.  And it came so easily.

I've gotten into the bad habit of getting her down and then staying up way too late in order to have some "me" time.  But I've recently realized that it tends to backfire on me.  I stay up way too late and then toss and turn, too wound up to find the sleep I so need.  It seems as soon as I do fall asleep that's when she wakes, still needing mama to find her way back to sleep.

Well, this morning I woke while Mike was getting ready for work.  Typically, if I wake that early it is just to stumble, bleary-eyed, to the bathroom and then kiss him goodbye and return to bed for an hour or two.  But this morning was different.  I kissed him goodbye and then noticed something.  Something I hadn't noticed for a while.

I noticed that I felt well rested.

What a pleasant thing it is.  It was 6:30am and so really, I'd had close to 10 hours of sleep, only slightly disturbed by a waking wee one once or twice in the night.  I sat on the back stoop petting Wolfie and weighing out my options.  For the first time in (well, let's see, Claire is nearly 2 1/2....) about 2 1/2 years, I didn't feel like I needed to go back to sleep.  I made coffee, toasted some bread, sliced up a nectarine and headed out to the deck.

The morning was chilly, such a nice change from the hot days we've had lately.  I grabbed a long sleeved shirt and the novel I checked out from the library over a month ago and had yet to start.  I listened to the birds and realized, while trying to see what the bees and hens were up to, that my glasses were still on Claire's bed side table.  Not wanting to wake her and give up this precious and rare morning, I carried on.  A half hour or so later I remembered the extra pair of glasses in my room and so I got those when I was inside refilling my cup.

It was a soft and easy morning.  Breakfast for one.  I listened to the sounds around me, the train, a mile and a half in one direction, and a proud hen singing her "I just laid an egg I am so amazing!" song from about 50 feet in the opposite direction.  Birds all around.  I noticed a robin carrying a piece of straw into a tall shrub and guessed they were busy making or fixing another nest.

I went inside and grabbed some scissors, then headed to the side flower bed to cut some coreopsis for a bouquet to bring in.  Right about then I heard Claire crying.  I went in to find her on the front porch heart-breakingly asking "whe-eere's my paaaapaaaaa?" and looking at the empty parking spot where his car had been last night.  We snuggled into the hammock that we put up just yesterday and I did my best to give her a slow easy morning as well, swinging just a little as I explained papa was at work and that he'd be home tomorrow and by the way, did you see those pretty yellow flowers?  We stayed like that for a bit and then I coaxed her into the kitchen with me to arrange the flowers, one large bouquet for the dining room and one smaller one for her room.  She carried hers into her room with a huge smile on her face.  We headed outside to greet the morning together and after I moved some stakes and fencing, we let the hens out to roam in an area of the yard safe from Wolfie and his less-than-friendly (ahem) chicken tendencies.

She ate breakfast and then we got on the bike to ride into town so that I could put out the sign for the tailgate market in the morning.  Though I'm not a vendor this year, I still volunteer to do this small task and in exchange I'll get to vend fee-free should I decide to at some point during the season.  We rode through the neighborhood and then down the greenway, coming out just a couple blocks from the market.  Afterwards we stopped along the greenway on the way home and played in the creek for a bit.  We saw a snake, threw rocks, watched little fish and splashed around.  While splashing a stick in the water, Claire sang a little song about "going on a trip tooo-daaaaay!"with a huge grin on her face and I realized in that moment that a 15 minute bike ride and a stop at the creek constitutes a 'trip' to her and thought hey maybe she's onto something there.

Back at home she requested snacks and her yoga dvd.  I happily obliged and as she mostly watched and occasionally participated, yelling "warrior two, I am strong! warrior two, I am capable!!", I got a snack for myself and read a bit more of my book.  Then a nice long phone call from a dear friend and by the time that was over, naptime was imminent.  I laid down with her and read in bed next to her for a while after she fell asleep.  Even though I'd fully intended to rest with her, I guess that good night's sleep left me not needing it because a few chapters in and I got up to write.

Post nap and post post-nap snack, she played quietly with her barn and animals, lining them all up in a long row, mamas and babies together.  I think she recognized that the giant tortoise was a bit out of place at the farm, because she just kind of lumped him in between all of the chickens.  Evolutionarily, I suppose that's about right.  But I don't think she was going for that.

We took a trip to the thrift store and grocery store.  She was a champ at both, and I even got to try a few things on.  Found a few shirts, a skirt and a pair of shorts as well as a few little household things.  Two glasses and a fork for her, a small basket to organize her art supplies in, a wire basket that I will either try to rig up to put on my bike or to hold flowers on the deck railing.  Also a large red square tin that used to hold some kind of biscotti, identical to one I found at the same goodwill a year or two ago.  I plan to drill holes in the bottoms of them and plant my new scented geraniums in them.  Oh, and a plastic toy camera for Claire.  She has been taking pictures of me all night long.

Home.  Dinner.  And now a mango/coconut milk popsicle for Claire while her bath gets ready and I finish up on here.  A little Avett Brothers playing on Pandora.  A nice evening.

And I'm still feeling the effects of my soft and easy morning.  I approached the day full of relaxed and roll-with-it.

 I am better because of it.  And she responds likewise.
 It is another kind of dance.

The house is buzzing with contentment and a gentle pace seemed to have been set for the day.  I am reminded of the way I used to tease my mom about getting up hours before the rest of us, and just to have coffee and read the paper.  Oh, how little I understood about what those hours truly meant for her.  I'll call her soon and tell her that now I finally get it.

A new resolution, then.  Of the early summer sort I suppose (surely they can't just be for New Year's).  I hereby resolve to make a habit of going to sleep when she does, or shortly thereafter.  As often as possible, and certainly when I am feeling depleted and overwhelmed.  To turn the computer off earlier.  To acknowledge that being well rested makes things so much lovelier.  It was not only my coffee cup that got a refill this morning, it was so much more.

how to blow bubbles

keeping in line with the "how to eat ice cream" post, here's another summertime fun how-to straight from one who knows best, an almost two-and-a-half year old.

and there you have it~

hot hot weekending

this weekend was about:


a very sweet visit from beeba (Claire's name for my mom)

the Brett Dennen pandora station running pretty much continuously (the way his voice seems to almost crack so often leaves me near tears.... it just sounds so soulful and vulnerable and it makes me feel the same)

A Saturday morning family bike ride to the market complete with buttery strawberry-rhubarb pastry enjoyed in the shade.  The ride added to my recent bike envy over a friend's amazing bike.  My ride is my old mountain bike with a somewhat cushier than before seat and Claire's seat on back.  It is not made for this.  The toting of toddlers, that is.  It is made for, well, for mountain biking.  Something that I've done zero of for the last....... oh, about 10 years.  With Claire back there in her seat, my center of gravity seems to elude me, the toe straps get in the way, and Claire's little tootsies knock into mine as I pedal.  I don't think I'm quite gonna go all out for a fabulous yuba, but I'm heading down to the bike shop in town this week to browse a bit for a more suitable option.  Looking for a cruiser with enough gears to handle our small hills in town and room enough for a couple small baskets/bags.  And of course, room to comfortably attach her seat.  I'm not completely throwing out the possibility of this, but there is it's hefty price tag to consider.  I'm sure my credit card company would appreciate it though.

I stocked up on a favorite coffee after hearing it will soon be unavailable.  'Tis the way with a small local roastery that purchases their beans in season from small farmers.  Now I'm not exactly a coffee connoisseur, (I totally looked up how to spell that) but ever since the chemex I've noticed the flavors in different beans much more and have definitely developed my preferences.  Dynamite's 'Greenways Please' blend has been my happy spot on many a morning lately and I'm sad to see it go, but pleased to have a small stash for the next little while.

I also went grocery shopping, which isn't glamorous of course, but what makes it notable is that I did it all by myself.  No two year old to set the pace and demand a new snack every five feet.  I lingered in produce, by the teas..... I smelled soaps and lotions and I did not rush at all.  Nor was I called upon to sing silly songs at too-loud-for-the-grocery-store volumes in an attempt to keep a child happily sitting in the cart instead of running off down the aisles.

I quite enjoy solo grocery trips.  I bet lots of mamas do.

This weekend was also about HEAT!  I know, it's pretty much been hot everywhere.  We been hovering right around 100 degrees and that's unusual for the mountains, even down here in North Carolina.  I remember being thrilled the first few years after we moved here because it never seemed to hit 90 degrees in the summer.  That's certainly not the case this year.  I caved in and turned the AC on on Saturday night for the first time this year.  It was just too dang humid in the house.  It was off again by Sunday afternoon and the windows are now open so as to bring in some of the cool(er) evening air.  It's not too bad, really.  We are always so hesitant to turn on both the heat and the air conditioning for the first time every year, and then reluctant to use them except for the coldest/hottest of days.  I think it makes us feel like weenies.

(at least I'm a comfortable weenie)

Another efficient way to cool down on a hot hot day?

Head to the lake!  Friends were celebrating their 10th anniversary with a potluck out at the lake we camped at recently, and Claire and I joined in for the fun yesterday afternoon.  There was swimming and playing and digging and eating and visiting and laughing and other good stuff.

happy hot summer days~



*linking up with amanda over at the habit of being