our year, in photos

We have officially made our first trip around the sun with this beautiful little one.  Though my mind and heart are full of words about that trip, I'll save most of those for my letters to Claire.  Below is our year in photos, some of my favorites taken since last January.  

reading with her main man

What a fun process to look through and choose from so many pictures (a few hundred) from our past year together.....  

Tomorrow I plan to share some photos from our celebrations this weekend, and then I think I'll be ready to move on and welcome this second year!

and now, a proper introduction~

I'll be back to writing about and sharing photos of birthday celebrations and our first year as a family tomorrow, but for now I needed to document that........

WE HAVE EGGS! (brought to us by the recently named Henrietta, Mabel and Pearl... thanks girls!)

...a year ago....

A year ago from right this very minute I was in a very VERY different place...... deep in labor and awaiting the unknown.  Boy?  Girl?  What will he/she be like?  How will we be as parents?  How will I make it through the next contraction?  What is pushing going to feel like? (yikes!)  But mostly of course, I was just riding out the storm that is labor, enjoying the warm, warm water of the birthing tub and getting by with the strong, supportive hands and steady, calm eyes of my love.



And then she was here.



And just like that, everything changed.


What a year.  There were some unexpected and difficult times, very little sleep, a lot of learning, and a whole lot of loving.  And watching.  And smelling.  I still sometimes smell her hoping to catch a little bit of that newborn sweetness, but of course it is long gone.

I am still Amanda, still Mike's wife, but now I am also mama.  I am ever so grateful to not have lost my sense of self.  I am still very much able to be "me" fully, though the opportunities to stop and be mindful of that come and go depending on what kind of day we're having around here.  And that's okay.  That's part of it, after all.

I find such joy in watching this little girl grow and learn, and I am constantly amazed at what she is capable of and what she understands.  When I'm laying next to her nursing her these days my mind is racing with memories of this past year and I am often overwhelmed by how much I love her and wonder how much more love can I possibly feel?  Then the next day, I've got an answer.  A bit more, it turns out.

We ended up having a few close friends over for dinner tonight to celebrate this babe of ours.  Papa and I each made a different soup (potato/leek and carrot/ginger) and there was homemade bread, yummy local beer, and carrot cake and cupcakes.  Good friends, good food, good music.  Scattered about were many dozen photos of the birthday girl along with mama and papa's own first birthday pictures.  How fun to look at our own and search for her features and expressions.

Tomorrow, we'll have a few more visitors and likely she will have a second taste of cake.  And then perhaps the next day I will post photos from our celebrations this weekend and then a series of photos from the first year of our new little family's life together as 3.  I'll probably write a bit more about the big day as well because my mind is just spinning and there are oh so many words to say.

thank you Kelly for the beautiful birthday ring~

For now, I'm going to sit back and let this all sink in while I watch and love and wonder and dream.

making time for mama~

A while back I wrote about a work/trade position that I am in at the local yoga studio.  In exchange for class time, I help to prep the studio and sign students in once a week.  I have accrued about 10 hours of free class time and (perhaps not surprisingly) have used only one so far.  Ugh.  Today Claire and I joined a lovely group of mamas and babes for some Valentine-making crafty fun and I had every intention of getting back home in time to get her down for a decent afternoon nap before heading out to the studio.  But..... as is often the case when this mama finds herself around other mamas, particularly this wonderful group of women, well..... let's just say that the conversation and community was tough to leave behind and so the trip home was a wee bit rushed.  I figured the only way a nap was likely was if we walked, and so, cold and wind not holding us back, I bundled us both up and wrapped her nice and close to me in one of these great wraps (on loan from the same neighbor who inspired me to bake our bread, rekindled my interest in knitting, loaned us many cloth diapers and helps keep the chickens in kale stems...thanks, Grace!) and off we went.  She did fall asleep, the studio did get cleaned and prepped, and the walk home wasn't nearly as cold as I had imagined it might be, thanks to our ever-increasing daylight.

So, it went just fine.  But it did get me thinking that it's about time I start cashing in those hours and get myself to some classes.  It's so easy to fall into the trap of not making time for ourselves, isn't it?  As women, yes, but most especially as mothers.  Add in a spouse who works 24 hour shifts at the fire department, and it gets a little tricky sometimes.  Said spouse is more than willing to accommodate some mama-time when his schedule allows though, and so for that I am most grateful.  I just need to plan ahead and remember to put it on the calendar.  I wonder how many people have conversations around whether or not something was "on the calendar!"?  (happens a bit around here)  And so, on the calendar yoga classes will soon go.

And tomorrow?  Well tomorrow I'm getting a massage~

Progress....

So there's progress being made around here, of a few varieties....

*The lady in photo number one let me pet her yesterday~ not a passing pat mind you, but a few long strokes down that soft feathery back of hers.  These girls warm up a bit more each day and now they cluck away whenever they see me coming.  Perhaps because they are starting to really like me, but more likely because they are anticipating some nice kale stems or cold oatmeal.  Every day I gently suggest they start thinking about laying some eggs.

*The blocks are in the final stages of being stitched up, though now I'm not sure about how to stuff them without them becoming balls.  Foam blocks, perhaps?

*I finished the legwarmers last night, and Mr. Sock Monkey says they are just perfect for relaxing.  Hopefully Claire will agree.

*A birthday cake recipe has been chosen.  I think.  Either this one for carrot cake out of Feeding the Whole Family, or I may try some sort of sweet potato and pumpkin cake with cream cheese frosting and blueberry sauce.  I do still have some NJ blueberries in the freezer, after all.

*Teeth!  There is most certainly progress being made in the teeth department.  That first little guy is about halfway through, his neighbor is poking through as well and their upstairs buddies are right behind them.  Claire now dons an amber teething necklace  ~  Maybe it helps, maybe not, but darn that thing is pretty stinkin' cute!  (She's getting good at stink-eye faces, too don't you think?)

there WILL be legwarmers

With this (not so) wee one's first birthday only 8 days away (!) I've got a few little handmade presents currently in the works.  They are in various stages of completion and two of them are actually still in various stages of "planning".  We'll see.  Not that she has any idea about what is going on or will mind (or even know) if I don't get these things done, but I certainly do feel like celebrating the occasion a bit and since we've decided to forgo the party this year, I'll feel good about getting a few things made for her.

We (well, I anyway) debated on whether or not to have a party for some time until finally settling on not.  For a few reasons.  Mostly because I didn't feel like stressing over party plans and because I didn't want to invite more "stuff" into the house right now.  Sure, we could have tried the "please, no gifts" move, but I think people will always think you're just being polite and trying to make them feel better if they don't bring something but that you wouldn't really mind if they did.  Wink, wink.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not anti-gift, really.  I am just acknowledging the fact that Claire has no expectations about the big day and is already surrounded by many lovely things and that it doesn't really require so much spending and so much stuff to raise a baby or celebrate their birthday in a way that is meaningful, joyful, and rich.  I know she'll get a few gifts from some of her loved ones (I myself am currently making her some things, remember?), and that's just fine.... more than fine.

I recently found myself hanging out with several of my mama friends when one of them mentioned having had a different kind of party for her son when he was 2 or 3.  She had everyone bring one toy (in good condition, but rarely played with anymore) from home wrapped up like a gift, and everyone swapped so that each child left the party with something "new".  What a great idea, I think.  I will certainly welcome ideas like that into our birthday celebrations as Claire gets older and I try to discourage too much "need of stuff" while at the same time encouraging fun and celebration.  I can see how it is so very easy to fall into getting so much stuff for your children, thinking that this or that will enrich their world...and surely some of it really can....but how much do we (and they) really need?  At what point does some stuff become too much stuff and the imagination gets called on less and less?  Another one of those fine lines in parenting that I have to look forward to, I suppose.  And of course, as with many of these parenting decisions, it will all turn out just fine no matter which way we steer her and there's no need to get too carried away fretting over it.  All the same, I'll stick to excess-avoidance when I can.

Be sure though, there is no shortage of excitement around here and this little lady will be celebrated and loved IN EXCESS, each and every day~ And oh yes, there WILL be cake.  Of course there will.  And singing and candles and pictures too.

And so the gifts I'm making?  Well,  a favorite grey cashmere sweater of mine, after being claimed by moths or mice or something and turned into swiss cheese, will be turned into a soft little stuffed owl.  That pile of knit squares will finally become soft blocks. (though barely making it into the plural there with a likely end product of 2 (yes, 2!) blocks), and mama is knitting her some soft purple legwarmers.  I wasn't sure they'd work out, what with my lack of experience knitting and deciding to just pick a yarn and some needles and go from there with no pattern, but they are actually coming out just fine.

No, none of the other owls were made with cashmere sweaters and filled with bamboo..... but they weren't for Claire so......... well, they weren't for Claire.  This one is.

It turns out it takes longer than I expected to make lots of blocks.  I hope she likes the 2, possibly 3 that she's getting, but I am prepared for her to completely ignore them.

I cast on 24 stitches and divided them evenly on 3 double pointed needles, starting knitting 2 and purling 2 and so far, so good.   Size 5 needles, Stitch Nation Bamboo Ewe (bamboo wool blend) yarn in Twilight

slowly but surely, we're getting there....

Legwarmers.  Just what a one year old dreams about getting for her first birthday, right?  Like socks, underwear or ties as you get older....  Well, I think she'll like 'em~

Okay, no more writing for at least a couple days..... I have 1 and 2/3 legwarmers to get working on!

storytime happens a lot around here~

This little girl already has such a love of books and that makes me so very happy.  A month or two ago, when we were just beginning to catch on that she understood many of the things that we were saying, her book pile was one of the things that first tipped us off.  Asking her where her books were, she'd look at the pile (or basket) and crawl over to it and start pulling books off or out.  A few weeks later, she was pointing to the books and then going over to them.  And now for the last few days, she will choose a book herself (and I swear, if you watch her do it, it seems like she is really thinking hard about which one to pick) and bring it over to me.  She pushes it across the floor with one hand and crawls behind it, and when she reaches me and sees that I get what she's doing, that I understand that she wants me to read that book, right now, she beams.  It must be so satisfying to be able to communicate successfully after months of trying to figure out just how to do it.  Of course I've been trying all along to read her and communicate with her, but now that it has become so clear what she wants I think we are both a little relieved.

She has favorites, of course.  Some that were once favorites have been forgotten about, others have been steady, and still others are new favorites.  One that has been a constant is Going to Sleep on the Farm, a sweet book about farm animals bedding down for the night that I found at the local library sale months ago.  Aside from a brief hiatus that one has been part of our bedtime routine for a long time and lately she often wants us to read it more than once.  Other evening regulars include The Going to Bed Book, and  Goodnight Moon.

It is pretty easy to tell that this (Going to Sleep on the Farm) is one of the more often read books around here:

She has also long loved books that have pictures of baby's faces, such as Global Babies, Baby Food, and Baby, Boo!  Two of the books I found recently at the thrift store also fit the bill,  Baby Faces, and Baby's Alphabet.

Another favorite genre of hers is books about animals~ she seems to have a thing for pigs and horses right now, thanks to a sign we have in the dining room with a large red pig on it, and probably also to the fun horse sounds papa makes when he reads to her.  (well, when there's a horse involved, anyway)

I am thrilled with her love of pictures and books, and daydream about all the fun that books will provide for her and for us as a family, for many years to come.  It's easy to see that she looks so forward to our pre-bedtime storytime, and so do we.

A day at the park~

Well, I suppose it'd be more accurate to say "about a half hour at the park", but that doesn't have quite the same ring to it, or the generally sunny and cheery connotation.  Anyway, we went to the park.  The Montreat playground, to be specific.  A most wonderful playground, indeed.  Claire is quite a bit too young and small still to really get into most of what the playground has to offer, of course, but I thought it'd be fun to take her and see what she thought.  Her uncle Kevin has been in town for the last few days before heading West and so he joined Claire and I on our little adventure.  My little lady LOVES her uncle Kevin with such enthusiasm and it is delightful to watch her light up around him.  (It has also been delightful to be able to shower, cook, and get a few other things done here and there with the extra set of hands around here...thanks, Kev)  So, it turns out that while she still kinda digs the swing, tunnels and stairs are where it's at.  Having no stairs at home, she hasn't had much practice but sure enough, she's all about it.  Yes, my little one who just 8 months ago was learning to roll over, and then 3 months ago learned to crawl, has now figured out climbing.  She tries to climb up me, into and out of the bathtub, up the couch.... it's a funny thing to watch as she lifts those little legs high and searches for a place to rest her foot.

A couple nights ago I gathered a few large boxes (that we are saving up to line the soon-to-be-built two raised beds that will round out our garden space for the year) in order to make some tunnels for Claire to crawl through. I wasn't sure if she'd be into it, but she most certainly was!  And hiding things inside the boxes for a new way of playing peekaboo?  Well that is just about the coolest thing ever, if you ask her.  (I did, and while she didn't exactly tell me that she thought so, I could see it in her eyes)  The playground had a nice long green tunnel for Claire to crawl back and forth through between Kevin and I.  I watched her and couldn't stop the thoughts in my head from wandering to that place of "How in the world can this be?  How can my baby be this big?  This old?  This capable?  Already?"  We are fast approaching her first birthday, and so I'm finding my mind in that place very often these days.  Remembering my pregnancy, her birth, those first foggy weeks, and trying to really feel it all over again. In some ways, it seems like yesterday.  In other ways it does seem like a year ago, or more.  I suppose that is how time passes.  I could go on and on, but I think I'll save that for another time.  Surely there will be some reflective posts coming up as we get closer to and then pass the big day.

We ended our playground adventure with some creek time.  Not too much though because although it was a bit warmer yesterday, it is still the middle of Winter.  I remember Claire not thinking very highly of baths for quite a while and wondering when that would change.  Slowly, she came around and now she loves the water just like like you would expect a little Aquarius that was born in the tub to.  Cold as it was, she wanted her hands (and feet, but they were covered and mama wasn't feeling that) in the water, on the wet leaves, feeling the slimy sticks.... so I let her play in it a little and watched the questions in her eyes and wondered what was going on in that little head.

All in all, it was a very lovely little half hour, indeed.

concentrating so hard on those stairs

coming.....

......and going

playing with all those different textures!

wanting to know what everything is

cold or not, it's still captivating

I can't wait to be back in this space with her in the warmer months!