bundled up

we were much luckier than many when it came to weather from the big storm..... flurries, high winds, very cold.... but that's it.  it is raw outside, and the wood stove has been going nonstop.  but we have power, we have food, we have water, we have our people.  thinking of those less fortunate and trying to imagine (but not letting myself dwell on it because truly, who would that serve?) the heartbreak that comes with having your world turned upside down by a natural disaster.

mike is on his way up to new jersey with a car full of chain saws and a couple of generators.  he'll get in around 2 or 3am.  "in" being at his parents' house, where electricity has been coming and going.  mostly going.  apparently there are trees down everywhere and no generators to be found.  quite literally.  his aunt and uncle drove 3 hours away to buy a used one from someone off of craigslist.  of course the price was jacked up ridiculously high.  how sad.  he is going up to help friends and family remove trees from their yards/driveways/decks so that they don't have to pay someone else triple what they should.  friends with a new baby will be getting one of the generators.  don't know who the other is for.  mike's dad said to bring it up just in case.  surely there is someone who needs it.

this development, of mike going away for four days, just came up around lunch today.  a few hours before it happened.  on my way home from work I was feeling sorry for myself.  "oh poor me, tired and hungry with no one at home to help me make dinner/start a fire/clean the house/tend to claire, for the next several days.  and it's cold and windy and all I want to do is hunker down."  or something like that.  but then I watched the news, as I occasionally do when there are big things going on.  I saw photos of a  168' long boat washed up onto a new york city street, saw photos of flooded subways, of blocks of homes burned to the ground, of a once beloved boardwalk completely underwater, of families crying out for loved ones.

and then I stopped feeling sorry for myself.  and started feeling so very grateful.  for all that I have, and for the man I'm married to, who, especially when something big happens, can be the most dependable and selfless person I know.

weekending: mid fall

there was a last hurrah for the beautiful fall colors in our parts.... a few sourwoods and maples remain brilliantly red and orange, but in general the "mountains on fire" illusion has come and gone and the oaks are brown and the hickories are fading from mustard yellow to a crunchy brown-gold.  I'm realizing, just now, that while I used to think of the brief explosion of color as being fall, I now see it as the opening act to this fine season that will lead us into colder days.  maybe it's part of my attempt to be present, maybe it's that I'm just not ready to call fall quits after a couple weeks of glory.  whatever it is, I like it, and I like the way I'm not feeling rushed out of fall this year because of this new thinking.

Claire and I made an important stop to fulfill our (they had a kid's voting table, where she happily scribbled away on a "ballot" as mama filled out the real deal) civic duty.

we made a stop at our favorite little honey stand..... maybe next year we won't have to purchase honey. we'll see.  the bees are holding their own but needing a little help as we head into winter, and certainly can't afford us taking any of their sweetness away for ourselves.  yet.  we are ending the season with two hives, after deciding not to combine them upon finding that the weaker hive did indeed raise a new (and seemingly successful) queen.  we are feeding them both a bit to help build up their stores before it gets cold.  fingers crossed that we'll open them up in spring to hear lots of happy buzzing.

I took Claire to a little Halloween festival in town last night.  Little, but still a bit overwhelming for us, um.... her.  okay..... us.  she wanted to go in the bouncy house.  it was dark by the time we made it to the front of the line and then she realized I couldn't go in, too.  it was a brief bounce that ended in tears. should've just used my mama veto powers, but I did not.  we'll find a smaller and more well lit bouncy house for my girl.  afterwards, she told me "but the other little kids liked it", as though apologizing for not, and then this morning she told Mike "I'm sorry I didn't like it. I will when I grow up. I'll be grown up soon."  ah geez.  we were pretty emphatic telling her she need not apologize and that really, she could hold off on the growing up thing for at least a little while.

something about this age seems so raw in ways.  there is so much emotion, constantly.  so much up and down.  such huge leaps in language development.  there is no question as to whether or not we are able to fully communicate with her and her with us.  she is vivid.  don't know if that really makes sense, but that's the word that pops in my head.  vivid.  I find myself simultaneously feeling as if I can't listen to her whining for one more second and as if my heart is going to burst from feeling this starkly intense love for this little being.  and wanting to hold onto her and breathe her in more and more.

today we made garlic elixir.  10 oz chopped garlic, 16 oz cider vinegar, 5 oz honey.  stew for 6 weeks, strain, use liberally to fend off yuckies.  she was quite the helper as we made our medicine together.

it was time.  we couldn't ignore the river of oak leaves in the driveway any longer, so Mike raked them into a long pile perfect for jumping (and hiding) in.  I raked the leaves in the backyard into a "leaf cylinder" (a circle of fencing that we dump leaves in to contain them) to use for leaf mulch after they sit and stew for several months.

and then I picked the last of the peppers, unsure of how cold it will get these next few days (we've had a fire going all day today and it's supposed to be chilly next week) and not wanting to happen upon frozen and mushy peppers that could have been hot sauce and chili.

and then we had friends over for Claire's inaugural jack-o-lantern carving experience.

*linking up with amanda at habit of being

of starfish and sea oats... (or, beachy photo montage)

We just got back from spending three nights and four days on the South Carolina coast~ with a little house (a very cute place built in the 1940s) in Folly Beach as our home base, we walked around town and along the beach, ate several yummy meals (thank you Taco Boy, Lost Dog, Folly Beach Shrimp Co., and Crosby's Seafood Market), relaxed, rocked on the porch, happily patronized Bert's Grocery (an awesome little grocery/convenience store that carries a pretty sweet selection of foods, beverages, and miscellaneous whatnot, and came in handy when we were in need of bread, ice cream, beer, and other staples) listened to music, finished off season two of Downton Abbey, and looked for treasures along the shore.

home for a few days

 the bench where I laid my hat

morning coffee and sunbeams on the front porch

 folly beach pier

 self portrait #1

 self portrait #2

(do two self portraits in one post make me vain?)

 exploring

 sand and apples don't necessarily mix, but you can't go wrong with those cute dainty toes

 monsters crushing sand castles

 my precious solo beach time... short, but oh-so-sweet

 lovely sea oats

 fighting against the wind for her hat on our "goodbye beach" walk

 treasure! 

Before heading home, we explored Charleston a bit.  Which is to say that we played in the fountains and ate lunch.  Afterwards, we stopped at a shrimp place in Shem Creek to buy several pounds of the tasty little crustaceans and get some ice cream.  Which ended up being frozen yogurt because that's what we found.  Ever been to one of those self-serve frozen yogurt places?  Crazy!  I am glad there was a bubbly person working there who was excited to give us the low down, because after we walked in I just kind of stared.  And, I think we ate more in our sample cups than we did in the cup we purchased.  I thought it was pretty cool.  Maybe I need to get out more.  Minutes after settling in for the close to five hour drive back home, Claire was asleep, and stayed such for nearly the entire drive. (bedtime last night was after 11pm thanks to that)

It's good to be home~ the leaves are amazing, and as much as I feel the beach fills me up in so many ways, so does fall in the mountains.  Which makes the post-vacation transition quite easy in this case.

5:5 (gratitude, day five)

five

*for the opportunity earlier this week to sit and watch as my daughter and (my) grandmother played and danced in our dining room, taking turns wearing the tutu as they smiled wide and laughed together

*that I took a minute to look up tonight, after unplugging the twinkly lights outside (left out after the swap party, but oh yes, they'll stay) and before coming in, and saw the stars that I haven't been taking the time to look at....... how is it that I've forgotten about the simple beauty of the night sky?

*for the easier days of parenting I've been having here lately~ whether that's due to a change on her part, mine, or both, I'm not sure..... but it's a sweet thing.  sometimes it's just a tiny shift of perspective that makes all the difference.  that, and the fact that it is now glaringly obvious to me that she will not be a little one forever, so I best seek out and hold onto it while I can!

*for the nearly eight hours of sleep I got last night.  consecutive hours.  in my own bed!

*for my job, that allows me to work and parent at the same time, and that doesn't take away our slow, easy mornings that I've come to love so much

weekending: swap!

A little break here in the gratitude series to make note of a very fun get together we hosted this afternoon.... a homemade foods (and other generally utilitarian items) swap.  Woohoo!  This is something I've long wanted to do and it was so much fun.  Both to host and to participate in.  We hosted about 15 folks and nine participated in the swap.  We drew numbers and then worked through the list, with each swapper selecting one item in each round until they reached the number of rounds equaling the number of things they brought.  So basically, a one for one swap.  There are other, more formal, ways to do this, but we felt this worked very well and folks were pretty psyched with all the swap options.  We enjoyed it so much that I'm already planning to host another one closer to the holidays.

So as to give you a feel for how it all went down and what kinds of things were up for grabs, I'll tell you about our own swaps.  Mike and I contributed: 2 jars each salsa verde and apple butter, 1 jar of roasted jalapeno hot sauce, 1 jar of roasted serrano hot sauce, 1 apple pie, and a set of crocheted cotton dishcloths.  We came away with: a set of sewn & embroidered dishcloths/washcloths, a set of recycled t-shirt reusable shopping bags, a pair of earrings, a lovely hat, a super soft cowl, (can you guess which one of us did most of the choosing?), a bag of mixed hot peppers, herbal tea bags, a set of reusable snack & sandwich bags, and a handknit baby hat. (no, we aren't expecting) And now that I count all that out, I realize we put in 8 and came away with 9.  Oh no!  Somehow I must have skipped over someone in the last round.  No fear though, I will find the rightful owner of my bag of mixed hot peppers and pass them on.  And I thought I did such a good job of keeping track.

Swap hostess snafu aside, there was so much other good stuff to go around too~ chai concentrate, bliss balls (delicious balls of nut buttery-fruity goodness), kombucha mothers, black walnuts, black walnut tincture, fresh turmeric, an aloe plant, applesauce, eggs, scarves, flour-less brownies, an adorable acorn cap matching game, dried herbs, apple-cheddar cookies..... really, it was simply AMAZING. (except for the sneaky hostess ripping off an extra bag of hot peppers, ahem)

We made vegetarian chili with quinoa, butternut squash/apple/coconut milk bisque, bread, pumpkin pie, cookies, and apple bread pudding.  The apple bread pudding was chosen based on it's compatibility with the amazing goat milk caramel sauce that I've been loving lately.  There was a fire, white twinkly lights, hot cider, good friends, a sweet pack of toddlers and not-so-toddlers running around playing quite happily, good food, good beer, and awesome goodies.  And even after making enough of the soups (a double batch of each) to feed all of these lovely people, we had enough to put two quarts of each in the freezer and enough chili for dinner tomorrow.  Sweet!  I can't wait to do this again.

Clean up was fast and we were left with good food and a darkening sky that made the twinkly lights and fire all the more enjoyable.  As much fun as she had with her buds, Claire was happy to be hanging out on the benches by the fire pit with just mama and papa, and after a little bit of down time inside, sleep came quickly for her.

And now, I'm off to polish off the last serving of that apple cider bread pudding.  For which I am very grateful.

cheers~


linking up with amanda at habit of being

5:4 (gratitude, day four)

five

*my grandma will be in town next week, and I can't wait to see her

*our hens that have been molting just started laying again so we're up to 2 eggs a day and soon, hopefully, back to 3

*the woodshed is nearly full of beautifully cut and stacked wood that will bring us warmth
all winter long

*there are new strings of white twinkly lights set up outside.... they're for a party we're hosting tomorrow, but they'll stay up if I have any say in it

*the party is a food (and other non edible utilitarian items) swap, something I've wanted to host for a long time... there will be soups and breads and salad and pumpkin pie and apple bread pudding to smother in the goat milk caramel sauce I've been loving...... good company, lovely fall weather, a fire, a swap, twinkly lights....... can it get much better than all that?

5:3 (gratitude, day three)

five

*hearing bits and pieces of the little stories, songs, and chatter she dishes out throughout the day, and loving the misspeaks and silly talk.... in fact, cherishing it and planting it all deep in my mind and heart

*all of the "hard winter ahead" predictions I keep hearing, which make me hopeful that she'll have her inaugural snowman-making and sled-riding experiences this year, since last year was a bust in that department, and also because we've got some maple sugaring dreams to bring to fruition

*the way she brings me back to the moment, constantly, all day long.....for example, as I was trying to buckle her into her car seat this afternoon, (and she kept leaning away from me and making it all a bit difficult) she told me "wait, I'm busy looking at the birds up there". those birds, on the line, up there.  and so I looked, too.  and I remembered how much I love watching birds on a line, too.  not sure why, it isn't very exciting.  but that wasn't the part that mattered.

*the Dehlia Low album that I'm listening to.... do people outside of the greater western north carolina area know about these folks?  they're good.

*our local library

5:2 (or, gratitude, day two)

five

*the sleep that has been returning to my world, as we've been driving (and occasionally successfully just rocking) Claire to sleep.....  at 2+, she isn't completely weaned yet, and nurses in the night here and there and when she wakes (because it is then that I am at my most vulnerable and would probably do whatever she wanted just so I can get a few more winks and laze in bed a bit longer...).  I finally realized recently that I am ready to actively start down this path and that I wanted (needed) to not have to be the one to get her to bed every night.  This is a start.  And it feels good.

*my neighbors

*going out to the back yard to get what I need when I want greens or to make a salad

*hearing the trains at night (and during the day), a mile or so away~ far enough to not be too abrasive, close enough to be just right

*running water

in gratitude

As I sat making my recent birthday gratitude list, I was reminded of how good it feels to sit with my focus only on what I am grateful for.  On what brings joy and peace into my world.

For a while, when I was keeping a regular journal, and especially towards the end of my pregnancy with Claire, I made it a habit to sign off at the end of each day by writing down 5 things that I was grateful for.  Like the birthday lists, some were big and some were small.  But I learned that big or small didn't really matter, and that as much as anything else, the intention and the focus on the good was what made it feel so grand.

So I'm gonna do that, here, for the next week or so.  Because I've been more focused on the to-do list the past week than I have been on what's right in front of me, because I've been feeling a bit stressed and frazzled and less-than-mindful, less-than-patient, and so I think I need a little refocusing.  Some days I feel quite calm and centered in these choppy waters of willful 2 3/4 years old toddler angst, defiance, and testing.  Others day.... not so much.  Some days I barely see the downs because I'm so in awe of the abundance and beauty of the ups.  Those are some sweet days.  Other days, I let the frustrations get to me more than I'd like, and then feel remorseful about my lack of enthusiasm for the greatness that fills up the rest of the day.  I am human, of course.  But being a human who strives to stay mindful and fair, loving and calm, in the middle of most not-too-terribly-turbulent storms, I know I'm not operating from a place I want to be.

And so, each day I will share 5 things for which I am grateful, and perhaps a photo if that's what happens.

Bring on the warm fuzzies

*the goat milk caramel sauce from looking glass creamery, picked up at last week's market
*Claire's (general) un-pickiness when it comes to food choices
*slippers
*the yummy new teas I now have, compliments of my coworker via a birthday gift certificate to a cool little bulk tea/spice/herb shop in town
*having a small space in our office to set aside for Claire's 'school'

weekending

the last several days have been pretty swell.  there was an impromptu play date with lots of little ones and mamas turning up at a dear friend's house on friday.  tea, sunshine, chickens, a new little babe in arms and one who will be here soon giving us a little show as (s)he danced around in mama's belly.

saturday dawned bright and bold~ one of those quintessentially 'fall' days that everyone can't help but comment on.  myself included.  mike was away at the national fallen firefighter's memorial in maryland, playing with the asheville pipes and drums and honoring an asheville captain who lost his life last year. claire and I walked down to the market via a yard sale and then lingered (and lingered, and lingered) there listening to the most fun music trio ever, visiting friends, eating roasted nuts and fresh figs..... I bought some goat milk caramel sauce and am thinking right now about maybe opening it up to drizzle on top of some apples.

we headed to the library book sale after the market.  via another yard sale.  it was kind of one of the queen of all yard sale yard sales with at least 6 or 7 families selling stuff.  we crammed some stuff into the bottom of the stroller, being careful not to crush the shiitakes from the market.  we left the library sale at 1:45pm.  it was about then I remembered the 4 year old's birthday party we were supposed to be at.  that we were supposed to be at at 1pm.  hmm.  I walked us home as quickly as I could and we did a quick change and jumped in the car.  there in time for quesadillas and cake, and then claire and I were the late-stayers for a bonfire and communal pot of chili and chips.  claire and this particular little 4 year old boy play so amazingly well together.  two strong personalities, and there doesn't seem to be room for taking anything personally when they're so busy running and wrestling with his papa.  I love watching this girl, a couple days before on a rocking horse with a princess dress and a tutu, and now running full speed, barefoot on the gravel driveway, ready to "attack" her friend's very playful papa.  we got home just around bedtime and she was out in no time.

sunday morning she and I enjoyed a brunch fundraiser for the local community garden.  my favorite coffee.  frittata filled with veggies, fresh bread with goat cheese and infused oil, salad, pumpkin-apple soup and apple spice muffins.  just what we needed to fuel us up for a little errand-running.  home in the afternoon for soup and bundling up against the cold grey outdoors.  papa home.

and now monday.  another cold and grey day.  a soft day.  a 'first-fire-of-the-year' day.  I sat there, hogging up the warmth, (like I do) thinking that I'd be content to sit there on the sheepskin in front of the fire with a warm mug in my hands from now until april.  but instead I went to work.  and when I came home it hit me that something about that fire defines home for me.  just a bit.  it just feels so much more like home to me when that light is flickering around inside the stove and the shadows are dancing on the walls.  when I walk in and smell the fire and hear the steady hum of the blower.  when I lay there, right in front of it, and watch it for what feels like hours, and remember so many times before, sitting just like that.  watching snow fall.  writing.  pregnant.  nursing and snuggling a new babe and wondering what on earth I was doing.  sitting quietly late at night after they've gone to bed.  christmas morning cinnamon roll picnics by the fire.  watching her open her first stocking.  and more.

I look forward to the coming season of fireside idleness.  no way can I hide that.


linking up with amanda at habit of being