away

The car is packed,
Claire is asleep,
the snacks are ready.......

The coffee is ready to be brewed in the wee hours of tomorrow morning.

There are cds, books, and dvds in the car.

Off we go, my girl and I.



we'll be back in a week~

March 29 - I took a load off.....

Today, I got rid of some hair.  Two fourteen inch braids, to be precise.

My head feels so much lighter.  My hair feels a bit 'flouncy' for lack of a better word.  I do this every couple years and somehow in the interim I always seem to forget that my hair, when not weighed down with that extra 14 inches, is actually a bit wavy.  Takes a little getting used to, but I'm alright with that.  Hair is all, and that's all.  And I can still put it in two tiny pigtails if need be.

We did a few other things today.  Claire is finally feeling better.  Sleeping, eating, napping, breathing in through her nostrils.  Woohoo!  The first couple of days of wellness after a (relatively) long illness always take me by surprise a bit, like "wow! so this is what it feels like to not be sick! alright!"

We spent some time outside, Claire and I tending to plants and chickens, papa starting the foundation work for the deck(!).  When he brought home some lumber this morning I looked at it and said "so that will be strong enough for a hot tub?" and he answered me with something about having to have an engineer design a deck up to code to hold a hot tub.  That's when I shot him a look that said "but you know I want to get one eventually..... right?! Isn't that part of the plan?" (I also said that out loud, in case the look wasn't as clear as I'd intended it to be)  He shot me a look that was kind of like "whatever" and a little like "are you serious? I always thought you were kinda kidding...." but he didn't follow up with the words out loud to make it clear like I had.

Hmmm.

I just want one of those little 2 or 3 person wood heated hot tubs that are in the back of Mother Earth News.  They're smaller, right?  They don't require an engineer-engineered deck, do they?

Suppose we'll see.  One day.

So as to get out of his hair while he was working on the non-engineer-engineered deck, Claire and I went out to our favorite local pizza place for dinner and lingered there for over two hours.  She had a blast and charmed plenty of folks as we ate pizza, visited with friends that we bumped into, and savored some delicious pistachio gelato.

We came home to papa in the back yard digging really big holes (but probably not the really really big ones needed for hot tub-supporting-decks....) for posts and getting everything shipshape for the building inspector tomorrow.

And now it is late and I must get my little lady to bed.  And then it's go time for mama to start packing for our trip this weekend.  Claire and I are hitting the road Saturday morning before dawn and driving up to New Jersey for the week, and there are things to be done before we go.  Packing, oil changes, etc.  You know, fun stuff.

March 27 - a boring grocery budgeting post

So I did it.  For the whole month of March, I have used cash only for groceries.  I kept it in a (fairly ratty, now) envelope stuffed with change and receipts and even though all that's left in there is change (as in $3.15 in coins) and we still have 4 days left (and a few definite grocery needs in the fruit and dairy departments), I technically still have $18.15 left because I snatched 15 bucks out of the envelope for other things here and there.

So tomorrow I shall go to the store for milk (about $4 for a 1/2 gallon) and butter (about $4) and half and half ($2.50ish) and apples (we'll see) and perhaps a snack or two (well, maybe) and just maybe we'll make it.  Of course the beginning amount was kind of arbitrary anyway, but still, I like a challenge.  I started the month with $325 in that envelope.  It seemed a reasonable amount for a family of 3 who eats most of their meals at home.  I've spent $306.85 (ish) so far and I've learned a few things:

*Even with this budgeting stuff, I am hard pressed to do any real menu planning.  I think that I need a big chalkboard painted on part of our kitchen wall in order to motivate me in that direction.  Really, I just want to paint part of one wall with chalkboard paint and this sounds like a good reason why.... I'm sure for a week or so I'd be into writing our meals up there and pretending we live in some funky restaurant, but just maybe I could stick with it.

*I think it's fair to not count beer in your grocery budget.  I did count it in ours this month, but I'm just saying.  It's not like we drink a lot of beer around here, but we like the good stuff and so a 12 pack of local seasonal ale along with a 22oz of another good local brew (and maybe there was an unaccounted-for 6 pack of Sierra Nevada Stout when uncle Kevin was in town?) easily set us back $15 to $20.

Just saying.  Because think of all we save by not buying our beer elsewhere.  And by generally considering "entertainment" to be a couple beers and a game of bananagrams or a movie at home.

*Coffee does count.  I wanted it not to, but couldn't really justify it.  We happen to also like good coffee, and so the pound or so (see? not too much) we went through this month (purchased at our local coffee roaster/shop) came to about $15 as well.

*Mike thinks grocery budgeting is silly.  He thinks it means not enough snacks (in boxes and bags) and a wife who gives him the evil eye as he inhales $20 worth of juice and snacks in one sitting.  His wife thinks perhaps he just needs to modify his snacking and drinking habits.  Water, really, is quite wonderful my dear.

*We probably don't really overspend on groceries all that much when I'm not consciously trying to budget.  I don't feel like my shopping habits were drastically changed this month, just a bit more conscientious in terms of using what we already had on hand and planning a bit here and there.

*Given our preference for buying organic produce and dairy and locally raised meats, it's a good thing we have the wonderful Amazing Savings (a discount grocery store specializing in mostly natural/organic food that was either overstocked elsewhere, banged up a bit, or approaching it's 'sell by' dates, etc) to help balance out the otherwise steep bills.  If I was buying someone's boxes and bags of somewhat healthy snacks at the grocery store or large health food store, we'd be spending half our budget on that alone!


groceries.
what fun.

(Claire and I are packing up and heading north on Saturday morning for several days and I am sure Mike is going to thoroughly enjoy not having me around 'budgeting groceries' for most of next week!)

March 26 - on the road to wellness

Our doctor's appointment today revealed that Claire has a viral infection that caused some sores in her mouth and throat.  That certainly explains her reluctancy to eat the past several days.  That along with a belly that is probably pretty full of mucus from her just now passing chest cold, and it's no wonder she hasn't been keen on food.

Her congestion is finally passing and I feel like we are perhaps just days away from being back in the swing of things.  It's funny how much an illness can make you forget how good it feels to be well~ (and I'm not even the one who is ill here!)

The weather has been lovely.  Things are green.  Budding, flowering, growing, beautiful.

I've been going to a yoga class on Monday nights and it has been so wonderful to have that hour all to myself.  Much needed, for sure.  And I've been incredibly able to leave everything (for the most part) behind and have my focus during that hour be solely on my body and my practice and my breath.  That's not something I'm usually very good at, so it has been a most welcome surprise.

Tonight, as I was putting my things into the little cubby in the lobby of the studio, I heard a tap on the window.  I looked up and who did I see?  Mike, on a bike, with Claire in the bike seat.  I knew they were out riding around, but it was such a nice surprise for them to show up like that.  I gave Claire some water, a flower, and a kiss, kissed Mike, and went in for my class feeling quite happy about the little blend of worlds.  An hour of movement, breath, and gentle reminders about how it is our reactions to the things that happen to and around us that matters most.  What we do with what we are presented with.  And isn't that so true?

And so it goes.

March 24 & 25 - weekending in sicktown

this little girl is having a rough time fighting off whatever this case of yuck has been
10 days now, no 11
she is so, so tired
but generally in decent spirits
except, of course, when she's not~ and then it is pretty ugly around here
fever on Friday
pjs and gardening on Saturday
hung with beeba for a while today while mama and papa were at the movies
there has been lots of baby poetry dvd watching (SO cute- I think it's an HBO special, we get it from the library fairly regularly since it's her favorite)
still very little eating and drinking (and nose breathing) on her part
heading to the doc tomorrow to rule out strep and sinus/ear infection..... I tend not to run to the doc, but I'd like to know what we've got going on seeing as how it won't go away (though tonight after bath we made some progress with the dreaded saline spray/snot sucker combo and she is now, at 9:30pm, still happily playing with papa.... this is what happens when you sleep on mama's chest for 2 1/2 hours in the late afternoon)
and then to the store afterwards to restock the children's herbs/vitamins and find some chest rub since it doesn't seem likely that I'll be making any anytime soon

How do people with more than one child hang when one of the littler ones is sickly and in need of ALL of your time, energy, and attention?

Speaking of all that goes into parenting, I've just started Alfie Kohn's Unconditional Parenting, and I loved this one line he has about how before he was a parent, he didn't realize all sorts of things about how hard it would really be~ particularly how, when you've reached the end of your rope, you suddenly just have to find more rope.

So true.

Here's to really long ropes.  And lots of scraps of it laying around just where you need them.

March 23 - morning light and birdsong

I feel like I am in a new romance with the light.  And the birds.  Particularly the morning light.  (and the morning birds, though no doubt many of them are the same as the afternoon and evening birds)  As if I am getting to know them again with the changing season and such.  I love the way the light greets our front porch at just about the same time I feel ready to do so.  Love the way the birds sing me awake.  (of course I am under no delusion that they are actually singing me awake, but it's a nice thought)

I'm foreseeing many coffee and yoga dates on the porch with the morning light, listening to the sweet, lilting songs of the wrens and sparrows.  

March 22 - Thrifty Thursday

Cory over at Lady Cordelia has started up a weekly Thrifty Thursday posting and has invited others to play along.  I love me a bargain and I can get quite excited over some of the things I find at the thrift stores, rummage sales, and occasionally in someone else's trash (some of the best stuff is just carelessly discarded by the side of the road you know), so I've decided to join in for the fun.  I've had to get a bit more picky about what I bring home these days, had to really check myself to be sure I'm playing by my "one in, one (or more) out" rule, but you can't just STOP.  Not completely, anyway.  

My most recent thrifted treasure (found at the Kiwanis thrift store here in Black Mountain) is a sweet little handmade bunny.  And just in time for an Easter basket.

The dress alone had me.  It will fit the doll my mom made for Claire just perfectly.

The sticker on her little bunny bum declared her price to be $2.  A lady in line commented on how darn cute the bunny was and I mentioned how I was thrilled to find it and how all I had to do was put a few stitches in her armpit.  The man at the register said "You have to fix her up, huh? How about a deal?  $1.50."  I told him I was happy to pay 2, but he insisted.

I walked out that day with a sweater, 3 shirts, the bunny, and a little wooden spoon for Claire's kitchen.  All for under five bucks.

Thrifting can be very exciting.

March 21 - making and tending

This week I spent a little time making some felt play food for you know who.  I think next will be more tea bags and some cookies to go along with them.  I know I like cookies with my tea.

I also spent a lot of time holding and rocking and soothing.  And being the unpopular person on the business end of the bulb syringe from time to time.  She is still a bit under the weather and her nose is still quite useless, but we are getting closer to wellness.  She fell asleep over my shoulder two nights in a row and last night fell asleep in my lap on the couch while simultaneously trying to nurse (rather unsuccessfully with that stuffy nose) and kicking the back of the couch.

And still, I can count the number of times she has fallen asleep without nursing (not counting in the car seat and while being worn in the carrier) on one hand.  But maybe we're getting somewhere.  Maybe this will convince her that there really are other ways to fall asleep.

March 19 -green and growing

Buds are bursting, leaves are unfurling, seeds are sprouting, and flowers blooming.  It's almost as if all the plants were waiting, ready to burst and tired of the back-and-forth of this winter, to all come to life over the course of one or two days.

Is that how it happens every year?  Maybe it is.  Yet somehow without fail,  I always feel so surprised by the first couple days of spring.  Just as I am by the first couple days of fall.  The changes are so vivid and mark the landscape so drastically that I find it hard to slowly glide into either of these lovely transitional seasons.  One day I wake up, birds singing, and I'm there.

Spring.

March 17 & 18 - weekending

I pulled 2 loaves of bread from the oven
5 minutes after I was supposed to be at work on Friday afternoon
something wrong with my timing there, obviously
(so thankful for my understanding boss/coworker)
burritos for dinner at home with papa and uncle Kev and
a sickly little girl who is
not napping,
sleeping a little,
not eating much
but coughing and snotting
and fighting the snot-sucker with all she's worth (which is surprisingly quite a bit given her current sickly status)
thunderstorms Friday night gave way to a
Saturday morning visit from beeba and the unfortunate discovery by a friend down the road that her car was stolen overnight.
Mike was over tilling a garden space for her, he called and told me the news~ I dropped off C with him and picked up friend and her sweet little one (Claire's buddy "Mae Mae") and drove them to ballet.
I liked that not even car theft could stand in the way of that dedicated mama getting her little one to her beloved Saturday morning ballet class.  Police reports can wait a little while.
we planted peas
listened to a thunderstorm that grew in the distance but sadly never quite got to us
'pat pat' the peas, 'grow grow' peas
the seedlings are looking good
the onions and garlic, too
going to start a tray of flower seeds soon
she watched the red balloon
twice
(because what else do you do with a sick can't-and-won't-napper in mid-afternoon?)
the end was happy but also a tad unsettling, I thought
does he land?
he must
papa played with the AFD Pipes and Drums band for St. Patty's day
I had intended to go with Claire but given the sickly-ness we stayed put
I also let her watch some of that blue train that all the kids like (it seems sick = movies here in this house)
I ate cereal for dinner
then pre-ordered tickets to the Hunger Games matinee next Sunday morning (yep I did)
beeba will hang with C
papa and I will go on a precious date
Sunday morning she woke up singing
still stuffy, but singing
a good sign, I think
I went to a meditation class in town
alone (there were other people in the class, but you know what I mean)
then I got picked up more coffee and groceries, alone
those little bits of alone were much needed after all of the holding and rocking and not sleeping of the past several days
(and, I'm still going strong with the grocery budgeting thing.... have about $80 left in my envelope)
of course there are still 13 days to go, so we'll see
our thanksgiving dinner this evening should help stretch things out
turkey, cranberry sauce, sweet potatoes, stuffing, green beans
hold the mashed potatoes and pumpkin pie
yep, Thanksgiving in March
off to help with the prep
and maybe watch a movie~


*linking up with and inspired by Amanda at the habit of being

March 16 - this moment

(sunny day tea with my sniffly little one)

*inspired by and linking along with Amanda at Soulemama

March 14 - a visitor

Uncle Kevin called a few days ago to see what our week was looking like.  He's taking a wilderness first responder recertification class in our neck of the woods and was wondering if we might be up for a visit.

Um, yes please.
(Claire adores her uncle Kevin and hadn't seen him in many many months.  We think he's alright, too.)

So this afternoon, right as she was refusing a nap and I decided to just go with it (because, really, what else can I do?) he pulled into the driveway.

I went to work.  Claire stayed with the boys.  I hear there was a trip to the creek that involved some rock throwing.  She insisted her uncle read many, many books to her including a new favorite (of hers) that we picked up at the library the other day- the classic Mike Mulligan and his Steam Shovel.  Her other favorites these days are Blueberries for Sal (which I will eventually just purchase instead of repeatedly checking out from the library), Madeleine's Rescue (I find all of the Madeleine books so very obscure and odd but she loves them and so I guess I do too.  Some of them.  A couple, anyway) and one about a wise bear named Norris who shares plorringes (a made up fruit, as far as I know) with his friends, and one about a squirrel named Nutmeg and a mouse named Barley who become friends despite the odds being stacked against them.  I came home to Mike and Kevin standing in the side yard shirtless, cutting each other's hair, while Claire was playing in the sandbox.

Then it was Mexican food for dinner.  There's a place in town that has a big back porch next to a creek, so that worked nicely with the warm afternoon.  Beer, chips, bean dip, fish tacos...... mmmmmmmm.

Home for bed.  First, bouncing on her bed and then several books, but then, finally, bed.

March 13 - 75 and sunny

today it was 75 and sunny
it's supposed to stay that way for a few days and then rain a bit

time for sandals
time to go through the next box of hand-me-downs to see what she'll be wearing this spring/summer
time to get started on a big project
time to start another tray or two of seeds
time to plant peas and potatoes

I think it's safe to say that, for the most part, spring is here
and really, it's right on time
a week early maybe
but that's alright
I'm kind of over this non-winter anyway

welcome, spring~

March 12 - Santosha

Santosha is sanskrit for 'contentment'.  It is one of the yoga niyamas, or 'observances' that is written on the wall of the yoga studio in town.  To remind us to strive to be content with what is, to renounce the need to acquire more than you need to be content.

It is what it is.
It is what you make it.
Be happy with what you already are, and see that the answers to the most important questions likely won't be found anywhere but within.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

I finally got back to a yoga class today.  Over a year ago I left a work-trade situation where I was helping to open up the local yoga studio and sign in students before class once a week (about a 45 minute commitment) in exchange for a credit towards one hour of classes.  By the time I had accrued 17 hours of credit, I'd only gone to one or two classes.  Clearly, an unbalanced situation.  One that I passed along to someone else who could put it to better use than I could at the time.

That unbalanced situation was a part of the 'figuring out how to schedule time for me while caring for a baby and having a spouse who works 24 hour shifts' thing I was learning all about.

And still learning.

But things have gotten significantly easier, of course, now that she is 2 and doesn't require mama and only mama most of the time.  In fact, I'm quite sure she often prefers the company of her main man over me anyway.  And I am A-okay with that.

So now I'm cashing in on those classes.  Gonna make a point to schedule some time each week for me.  To go for long walks alone, get the massages I have been waiting for, catch up with friends over something fabulous at the Chocolate Lounge.  And other things as well.


Perhaps a bit of looking within, and some meditation on Santosha.

March 11 - neighborliness

I've said it before and I will say it again~ I love our neighborhood.

We had quite the gathering this afternoon (all afternoon) in our neighbors' yard two doors down.  In the back yard: kids running, playing, and practicing, with a little guidance, with tools on some scrap wood.  Mamas checking in from time to time and chatting amongst ourselves.  In the front yard: tools strewn about, a chicken coop in various stages of assembly, several papas, and a metal tub filled with ice and beer.  Sunshiny blue sky all day long.

There was pizza and age appropriate beverages for all, supplied by the soon-to-be-chicken-owners neighbors.  Muffins were shared by the next door neighbors, proudly brought over on a plate by three-year-old hands.  The newly erected fence between the two yards has a gate in the middle to allow easy access from one yard to the next, neighborly goodness indeed.

The coop is nearly finished.  I think all that remains is some hardware and a paint job.

We are a chicken-y neighborhood.  A kid-heavy neighborhood.  A wonderful neighborhood, indeed.

March 10 - toddlers know how to party

"You can't stay in your corner of the Forest waiting for others to come to you.  You have to go to them sometimes."  
(Winnie-the-pooh quote)


Sometimes (often, to be honest.  usually, to be more honest.) I want nothing more than to hole up at home with my people and lazily pass the days.  Change out of pjs only if absolutely necessary, play in the garden, drink tea, cook, and listen to music.  Watch the clothes wave on the line, listen to the chickens clucking quietly....


I am a homebody for sure.


I am a homebody who also likes to socialize, and that's where motivation comes in.  I'm working on it.


Today, Claire and I spent most of the day out and about as we celebrated with not one, but two birthday parties of some of her dearest little friends.  (Whose mamas happen to be some of mine)  No nap was had, despite my efforts, pre-parties, to wear her out.  Instead, she painted canvases for each of her buds and then we headed out.


We partied hard.  There was painting, jumping on beds, cupcake eating (or licking-of-frosting, anyway), toy car driving, and all of the fun to be had at this awesome new(ish) place in Asheville.  We will definitely be going back there!


Mostly, it was she who partied hard.  I sat back with a beer and snacks watching the fun and chatting with adults.


We took our cupcakes from party #2 home with us.  There's only so much you can do in a day. (party number two had a very subtle Pooh theme a la honey sticks in favor boxes, bumble bees on the cupcakes, and Pooh quotes, like the one above, scattered about.  And BIG red balloons.  lots of fun.)


We left the house around 2:30pm and got home around 9pm.  She was partied out and fell asleep fairly quickly.  I happily recalled the lovely little conversations I had with the grown ups, the catching up I got to do with friends I hadn't seen in months, and the way she hung without me for most of the day~ just checking in now and again to be sure I was still around.


Yep, still here, my dear.  Just watching you do your thing.  Watching those wings spread just a tad now and again.


The thing about being a homebody who also loves being around people is that you don't usually regret not going places, because you are perfectly pleased with the alternative of staying put.


But I also find that I almost never regret having gone.  Having ventured out of the Forest for a bit, so to speak.  Usually, it's quite wonderful.  Friends, friends, friends.  I am blessed to have a network of wonderful people with whom to share my time and energy.  If that's not motivation enough, then I don't know what is.




thank you to the party people of the day,
and thank you to Pooh, source of infinite wisdom

March 9 - making me smile

some of the little things bringing a smile to my face lately:

-catching up with 2 dear friends via telephone today.  I am not, in general, a fan of talking on the phone, but it sure can be nice

-more daylight, more eggs

-the talk of a deck (and to follow, windows being swapped out for doors leading to said deck) is turning into somewhat solid plans, perhaps just in time for warmer weather

-the trays of sprouting seedlings

-hearing Claire tell Mike (and me) about how she was born.... "baby Claire grew and grew in mama's baby belly and then mama pushed and pushed and "uuuuunnnngghhh!" (which I suppose is similar to the sound I make when I tell her the story and get to the pushing part) baby Claire came out in the water and papa picked her up." (she is good at retelling this because, due to my extreme lameness in making up stories, it is the story I most often tell when she requests on)

-my new rosemary candle

-the promise of massages in my near future as I cash in a gift certificate and a door prize.  aaahhhhhhhhh.

March 8 - bees, take two

It seemed so promising.  

For several months last spring, summer, and into fall, we had a healthy hive.  To'ing and fro'ing, gathering and storing........

but then something happened.

We think it was a mix of things.  Shortage of nectar at an important time and a lack on our part to supplement them at that time, a possibly sickly queen, certainly a fair amount of robbery from other bees/wasps.

And then, quite suddenly it seems, the hive was quiet.

We have two new batches of bees on order with a local bee guy.  A very nice and very old man a county over from us.  I haven't met him in person yet, but I liked the way he shouted excitedly over the phone when we talked.  I am to call him on April 15th to inquire about the state of our bees and their readiness.  And then we will drive over the mountain and down some to collect them.

Mike will be out of town that week.  In Indianapolis for some big fire conference.

That may make things a bit tricky, but Claire and I can swing it.  Her bee veil isn't here yet, but I have plans to order one for her soon.  That, and hopefully I'll be able to call in an extra set of hands.

March 7 - last summer's rain

Last summer's rain oozed out of the winter squash that I cut open the other day.  It was the last and largest, one of only 3 or 4 total, from our garden last year.

The plan for this year: plant more winter squash.  And other things as well~

March 6 - bread

She's big enough and capable enough now to help out in the kitchen a bit.  She prefers eating the bread dough to kneading it, but that's alright.  Look at that face- she didn't think I knew what she was up to.

Silly girl.

That's the Everyday Oatmeal Bread with molasses from the book Simply in Season.  Yum.  Just a tad sweet from the molasses, and moist enough to not crumble when slicing for toast or sandwiches.  I don't recommend it for french toast though- that molasses gets in a bit of a battle with the nutmeg and instead of either really shining, you just can't tell which is supposed to be the star of the french toast. (the nutmeg, of course!)  I think sourdough will forever remain my number one choice for french toast, the breakfast of champions. (I am a big champion)

happy bread baking.

March 5 - reflections on mothering

Something about those little hands shoved deep down into those little pockets makes me stop and smile every time.  Laugh a little.

Reminds me to look, to listen, to watch what she's doing.  Soak it all in as much as I can, these glory days of her toddlerhood.  Where she's beginning to figure out this big old world and her personality is really, truly shining through.  Where she is starting to understand the subtleties of communication, of humor, of body language.  Where she tests boundaries and limits like it's her job.

Because it is.

Where my heart continues to grow as she squeezes further inside of it, filling up the darkest little corners and expanding it more and more until I'm sure, really sure this time, that there's just no more room.

But there is.

I've been mad about her from the beginning, of course.  Loved her to the moon and back, for sure.  But this is something else.  Maybe it has to do with being past all of the transitioning into motherhood and figuring out just how much of the old me remains and watching what takes the place of the parts that I've left behind.  I don't know what it is.  Don't know how to explain it.  Know I don't have to explain it, if you are a mother as well, because you already know.  Something about it reminds me of how, when you become an adult, if you are lucky to already have a decent relationship with your folks, they suddenly take on a new role.  Parents, yes.  But also friends.  Peers.  People by your side, allies, as you navigate this world and all it throws your way.  As if now that she is able to communicate so clearly and I can see her human-ness, not just her baby-ness, there is a whole new layer to the dynamics of our time together.  I am her parent, her guide, of course.  I look out for her, love her unconditionally.

But now there's this.  With her able to communicate to me what it is she wants and needs and what she wants to know more about, the dialogue changes a bit.  We are partners, in a way.  She respects me, I respect her.  And that's the thing.  I've always respected her as her own person.  Everyone deserves that of course, from the moment they are born.  But now the communication allows me to hear, see, feel and know more clearly how my side of the arrangement affects her.  Makes it impossible to not take her feelings and needs into account when we are playing out a little struggle of wills.  Makes it obvious that I can't just walk away thinking "Oh, she'll be fine.  She'll get over it.  She's the baby, I'm the grown-up, it's up to me." and so forth.

Don't get me wrong.  I most certainly believe in there being clear boundaries, expectations, guidance and such.  Consequences, opportunities for growth and learning by mistakes.  I can be firm and walk away like anyone else.  I can stand it for her to be upset about something and not feel guilty and give in every time.

But.

I choose my battles very carefully.  In ways that, I believe, show respect for the little human that she is.  Not just a baby.  Not just a toddler.  Not just a child.

A little human.  A partner in this world.  An ally.

March 4 - Hunger Games

I was quite consumed by these books over the last week.  Very different from my usual book choices, but much enjoyed.  I am both sad to be done with them and happy to know I won't be up until ridiculously late hours reading anymore.  I finished the last one late last night and then, for the first time in a long time, possibly ever, I went into Claire's room and brought her into my bed with me.  Thereby waking her up.  But I wanted her close.  Something about all that tragedy in all those young people's lives just made me want to hold her close.

Keep her safe from the Capitol and all, you know.

Now I am looking forward to a movie/lunch date with my main squeeze in a few weeks when it comes out.  Much of it was filmed around here, very close by, and so it will be fun to try to recognize the scenery some.

And now back to a memoir~ Population 485, by Michael Perry, who also wrote Truck: A Love Story, and Coop: A Year of Poultry, Pigs, and Parenting.  Two books that both Mike and I also enjoyed reading together.  Claire's middle name, Annelise, was even inspired by his real-life love. (Michael Perry's that is...as far as I know, I'm pretty sure I'm my Mike's real-life love)

Those are corn muffins on top of the books.  Claire told papa she wanted cupcakes for breakfast so he made her some muffins.  Mmm-mmmm.

March 3 - in our garden

Margaret looking for some delicious grub or something along those lines, Mike working on a second brick raised bed in the background......  this was the scene in our backyard a couple days ago.  Another short-sleeved and digging-in-the-dirt day.  We filled half of the new bed with compost and transplanted some strawberries into it.  He had potted up some runners from our existing strawberry bed in the fall and we left them in the bed covered with a bit of mulch.  They made it through the winter just fine and now have all the room they need to stretch their legs and spread out.  As strawberries so dependably do.

The first little sproutlets in our seed trays have poked their heads through the soil.  Kale and Arugula, I think.  Spinach and Collards won't be too far behind.  Several tomatoes to follow and then peas and potatoes in the ground.  Parsnips and beets, too.  I transplanted my existing potted thyme and garlic chives into the new perennial herb bed and am anxious to start filling it in with others.  Sage.  Lavender. Rosemary.  Probably oregano.  Maybe a few more.

I split several iris and daylily bulbs and moved them to a new spot along with the bulbs that provided decorations for Claire's birthday festivities the last two years.  We'll see how they all do.  I'm not expecting too much from them this year, but in time I bet it will be a nice little show.

Chickens, sunshine, digging in the dirt.

And then last night a big, loud, beautiful thunderstorm moved through our area.  We don't get them often.  I love it when we do.

Beeba (that's Claire-speak for my mama) and Wes came for a visit this morning.  There was a lot of bouncing on the bed and reading and singing.  A little bit of dancing and chicken chasing, and plenty of conversation between her and Claire.  My mom was reading a book, pointed out a shoe, and Claire informed her "no, it's a boot, actually".

Well then.

I'm in for it.

Tonight Claire and I had some lovely friends over for dinner, dessert, and more bouncing on the bed.  We watched our girls play (and sometimes shove each other as they figure out this how-to-be-human thing), we laughed, we ate, we made tentative plans for a mamas and babes sleepover.  Good stuff.

Now, off to finish the final book in the Hunger Games series.  I started the first one less than a week ago.    Clearly, I'm digging them.

March 2 - signs of spring

We went walking down the greenway yesterday, my girl and I.  We were heading to the feed store to see the baby chicks and ducks.

It's a testament to my incredible strength and will (ha) that none came home with us.

Really, it's more that I don't want to worry about my dog or cat eating those cute little peepers.  And that I'm not sure where exactly we'd put them until they were big enough and strong enough to hold their own with the big girls.  I think next year, when Claire can have a larger role in the process of raising and helping, we will add some new little ones to the bunch.

On the way home, I saw a hawthorne.  Flowers bursting and loaded with bees.  Not ours, of course.  They didn't make it through the year.  Robbed hive, perhaps a sickly queen.  We have more bees on order though.  2 hives this time.  I'm supposed to call the bee guy on April 15th.  We will better stewards to our bees this time around.  We thought we knew what to look for and what to expect last year, but somewhere something went wrong and here we are.  A quiet hive and a chest freezer filled mostly with hive frames. (to freeze/kill any lingering bee-hurting nasties)

But this hawthorne, oh my.  It was buzzing.  I stood there by the side of the road taking pictures and watching the bees, marveling at the heavy pollen baskets on those furry little legs.  Sad to know for sure that they weren't our girls, but so happy to see them out and about, collecting while they can during this odd Winter/Spring of ours.


Grocery budget progress- Mike is out buying maple syrup because I (again! I do this a lot) started making french toast before realizing we were out.  First purchase with that grocery cash will be a bottle of expensive, delicious sap.  That's okay, there are other places we can cut corners.  But not with syrup.


Of course not with syrup.

March 1

I mentioned wanting to make an effort to write daily for a bit and so this seems a good time to give it a go.  A post each day this month.  We'll see.  Surely many will be brief and likely photo-less, but hopefully inspired and leaning more to the 'short and sweet' side than the 'desperate for words so here are a few' side.

March is also when I planned to dive into some boring grocery budgeting, too.  Though to tell the truth, I'm kind of looking forward to it.  I like lists and small challenges posed to myself and such.  The plan is to cash my paycheck tomorrow and stick a certain amount in an envelope marked "groceries" and use that and only that for all of our food/grocery purchases for the month.  Hmm.... do coffee and beer fall under "groceries"?  Surely, they must.  Not long ago I refused to buy groceries other than produce and dairy for a week or so while we cleaned out our freezer and pantry a bit because it seemed like we just kept adding to it and not touching the things hidden in the corners and shadows.  Probably there will be a bit of that this month.  (especially if we want that coffee and occasional decent six pack)

So the amount of money in the envelope....... I'm not sure how much.  I want to do this because I looked at our bank account ledger online a couple weeks back and thought we were spending way too much (and too often) on groceries.  But I don't really know what I think is a reasonable amount for a family of 3 to spend in a month.  Hmm.  I know I can cut it back a bit by doing some meal planning and being a bit more resourceful.  $300?  $400?  I am fine with food being one of our biggest expenses, seeing as how it is so important to eat well and I most certainly like Hippocrates' idea of letting our food be our medicine and our medicine be our food.

In other news, Old Man Winter seems to have decided once and for all to move on out of Western NC for the year.  Of course I won't be surprised if he decides to come back once or twice before all is said and done, but right now there are daffodils and violets flowering, the hawthorne and forsythia is blooming and the windows are open more than they are closed.

Welcome, March.  Here's to more lamb days than lion.