road trip in a nutshell

Memphis was a pretty good time.  We were greeted by the same wet and cold weather that we had left behind in Western NC, but that's alright.  We made up for it in other ways.  Visiting, eating, laughing, eating, sightseeing.... and eating.

The last time I visited Western Tennessee was in the summer of 1999 on the road trip that Mike and I took across the country following our freshman year at Rutgers. (yep, we've been together that long)  That road trip started off terribly, with lost wallets and dead car batteries and a bit of a smash up of Mike's car once we arrived in TN.  (thankfully that trip turned around completely after that and was quite enjoyable aside from a few small incidents including a rather shady stay at a hostel in San Francisco and a ridiculously thorough search of our car at the Canadian border)  It wasn't really my grandfather's fault.  It was dark.  He wasn't used to another car being parked behind his in the driveway.  And it wasn't so bad, really.  We did not go out exploring though..... had some insurance jazz to take care of.

This time around, things went much more smoothly.  For starters, this was the first lengthy road trip (about 9 hours) in which this mama did zero car seat nursing.  That may sound a bit silly and insignificant to you, but for me, for us.... it was a big deal.  She did great.  A couple little meltdowns here and there, but I'd fuss too if I had to spend 9 hours staring at the back of a car.

When we pulled up (still daylight!) we were greeted by several family members and when that front door was opened and my nose took in those smells (the exact same as I remember!) I was flooded with memories of summers spent petting the horses out back, smelling the sweet horse feed, picking berries, fishing, eating breakfast in the little breakfast room and staying up late snacking and watching movies in the den.  Smells can really take you back, can't they?  I'm not saying the house smells like horses and fish, of course.... but it's all connected.

Our first full day there was spent at the Memphis Zoo.  It has come a long way since I was there 20 years ago, and while there are many lovely exhibits and it is obvious that they care about their animals and are trying to provide them with the best they can, I still have such mixed feelings about these places.  Of course the little roadside zoos and such have, in my opinion, no place and no excuse for what they do.  But the larger, more conservation minded zoos and nature centers?  I don't know.  I grew up just a mile or so away from Busch Gardens in Tampa, Florida and I remember how much I loved going and seeing the animals and it had a significant, positive impact on me.  I also remember going to other zoos and seeing animals in cages and crying.  Surely there is good work being done by some of these places, but at what cost?  Despite all of the upgrades being made to zoos these days and all of the extra space being given to the animals at many of them, I wonder if the best evolution that zoos could make would be to just stop existing.  Carefully selected rehabilitation and breeding programs aimed at conservation and increasing numbers in the wild, yes.  But zoos as they are today?  I don't know.

Alright, enough sad talk about captivity.

That night we enjoyed my grandfather's 80th birthday celebration.  What a wonderful, kind, and humble man he is.  He treated us all to a brief overview of his life, written ahead of time and read aloud by him.  We each got our own copy afterwards.  What a beautiful way to celebrate.  It was so, so lovely to be surrounded by so many family members that I don't see nearly enough, and Claire had a blast playing with everyone and staying up way too late.

We explored a bit over the weekend, visiting historic downtown Collierville and Memphis.  In Collierville, we walked around the old town square, peeked in some (permanently) parked trains and walked around the feed store looking at seeds and baby chicks.  In Memphis we walked down to the river, visited the ducks in the Peabody hotel, walked down Beale St. and around town a bit, tasted some Memphis BBQ, and waited 45 minutes for a to-go order of 3 pieces of chicken from a hole in the wall that claims to serve the world's best fried chicken.  It was pretty damn tasty.  I tried not to think about Pearl and Mabel.

On Monday morning the weather broke and the sun showed itself just in time for us to pile in the car and head home.  Oh well, at least it was a nice day for a drive.  And again, no nursing en route.  What a difference that makes!  On a similar note, at a rest stop between Nashville and Knoxville we watched 2 dogs nurse their litters of puppies.  These were 2 dogs belonging to different people, and both were medium sized black and white dogs.  What's the chance of that happening?  The first was a rescued pit bull being taken to a farm near Nashville with her pups.  Her pups who were all piled cozily in a wicker basket.  That's right.  We stumbled upon a basket overflowing with adorable puppies who we watched nurse and then played with.  Claire was pretty excited.  As was I.

And then we were home.  Fig trees still alive in the back room, one dog, one cat, two hens.... check, check, check.  Claire of course had to take a good look around and play with some of her things and look through her books, and then we piled into bed and snoozed a good long (and uninterrupted as far as I can recall) snooze for the first time in about a year.

I didn't have much motivation to write for a few days, so I stayed in my pjs and watched the rain and napped with Claire and mostly did a whole lot of nothing.

I think I'm ready to write a bit again.  Or at the very least, to report on our goings on in a somewhat timely fashion.

cheers,
A

Memphis bound

Today, along with enjoying another gorgeous Spring day, we are packing and getting it together for our road trip to Memphis tomorrow morning.  I am so looking forward to getting out there to visit family that I've not seen in years and to explore an area that I never have as an adult.  I'm also looking forward to experiencing a little mini vacation together as a family, and to the adventures we may have on our way across the state of Tennessee.  And of course, to relaxing a bit while Claire is loved and adored by the many people who surely will shower her with love and adoration.  Good times await.

So far, laundry is going and the mail is on hold but there is still much to do.... pack, oil change, get gas, last minute trip to get some groceries for the trip, clean and write out all the pet chores for our lovely neighbors who will be looking in on everyone while we are away.  And so, off I go to get done what I can while my girl naps.

cheers!


**got several things done and I must say, nothing quite fills the need to check off a "to-do" list and feel like you've accomplished something like packing for a trip! how satisfying~  

reflections on mothering :: holding onto your self

Often I find myself thinking about how very much my life has changed since the day we met Claire, and about how I feel about all of those changes.  It's a funny thing, motherhood.  It changes you, and it doesn't.  It consumes you, but only parts of you.  


So many people say a baby changes everything, but I don't think it has to.... I am still me, I still enjoy the things I used to, even if I don't get to do them as often anymore, and I am confident that they will survive a several year hiatus if need be. And if not? Well, then I guess they'll be replaced by better things.  


Sometimes it's so easy to be in the moment and cherish it all.  Other times perhaps you'd rather not cherish the moment, but instead get through it as fast as possible and reach that light at the end of the tunnel.  I remember people telling me, as they do, when Claire was a newborn, that "it goes by so fast".  I honestly didn't feel bad about thinking "I am counting on it! On this part going by fast."  This part being the no-sleeping-no-time-to-eat-nursing-around-the-clock-then-pumping-then-start-all-over part.  In retrospect it did go by quickly.  I'm already finding myself looking back at those first challenging months with a bit of nonchalance and thinking "oh, it wasn't so hard, and it did go by pretty fast.." even though while I was in it it seemed like forever.  And even though sometimes when I think back I recall the challenges and they stand out so vividly:  difficulty with nursing, no sleep, surgery at a wee 3 months..... I read back in my journal and am flooded with memories of all of the beautiful moments that carried us through, and so very grateful that I recorded those earlier times in such detail.  I suppose it's part of motherhood that we forget (in part) many of the hard parts (of each step; labor, birth, parenting) as our children get older, and maybe that's why we feed each other the somewhat trite lines about motherhood like "it's the most challenging but most rewarding thing you'll ever do" and such.  Sure that's true, but the early newborn days are harder than people let on.  I think because as women we don't want to discourage or scare others or sound like bad moms, or let our weaknesses show... and of course some babies (or so I'm told) are pleased to sit and smile and coo all day and sleep all night from the get go but in general I'd say it's a good approach to be prepared for it to be a real challenge in the beginning, knowing that you will get through it (most likely quite beautifully and brilliantly) and be pleasantly surprised if it turns out easier than you think.

I remember thinking it was silly that people often put their lives on hold when they have a baby, and kinda looking down on it.  Like they should still travel and backpack around the world and go to shows and do everything.... I imagined myself doing whatever I wanted, just with a baby in tow.  I think in reality it works out that way for very few people, and that that is okay.  We COULD have done more traveling and going out when she was just a wee babe,  we CHOSE not to very much because this is where we were, and it's easier to enjoy all of this when you're more focused on it.  That said, I do intend to travel with her a bunch, and I will bring her to shows and conferences, etc.... it's all a matter of being honest with yourself about where you are, what you choose, and what matters the most to you at the moment.  It's easy to be the parent you think you'll be, in your mind, before actually becoming one.  The hard part is cutting yourself some slack once you get there and accepting that it's alright for your expectations and preferences to change.  That that isn't letting yourself down or selling yourself out after all, but instead it's the perfect way to evolve and grow into acceptance and into your new role.  A role that just kind of takes you where it wants to and hopefully, it's to a place you're happy to find yourself and that yourself is still very much YOUR SELF.  


I found myself cozied up in our hammock chair with my girl this weekend, enjoying the breeze and watching the birds in the trees from our front porch.  And as lovely of a time as it was, I did find myself thinking about how much I miss spending time cozied up there ALONE.  Perhaps with a book and some tea.  Or maybe just really and truly alone with nothing to pass the time and no care in the world....  without being "on call",  putting about 50% of my energy into whatever is in front of me while the other 50% (or so) is fluttering around "waiting" and most certainly not truly relaxing.


But then I stop to remind myself that it's all just a part of these early years, and that I absolutely will have more of that time for just myself again, and that this is what I chose, what we chose, and that it really is beautiful in all of it's parts because it is the groundwork of our story together.

cheers~

this weekend~

We welcomed the arrival of Spring with a lovely weekend and a lot of time spent outside.  Hiking, long walks, playing at the park, planting peas...  The cherries and pear trees, forsythia and magnolias, violets and dandelions are all blooming and filling the air with the sweet smells of Spring.  (Well, the ones that are scented anyway)  On Saturday we visited the nature center and got to see the bears coming out for one of their first times this year, met a barred owl, watched the peacock trying to impress the peahens, and watched the otters play.  And last night, although we had our bonfire all set to welcome the new season, we opted for an indoor fire after we noticed how late it had gotten and the mouths that still needed to be fed.  Seems it's taking me a while to get the hang of this daylight savings time adjustment.  More so than usual this year.  That's alright, now we have a fire all ready to go for an upcoming evening.

There were also some good games of Bananagrams played, I enjoyed some reading (a surprising choice on my part: The Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother, a book that I thought I'd be disgusted with and that got my attachment parenting self all in a tizzy before actually reading it.... turns out it's quite amusing if read for entertainment and not as a "how-to", which I don't think it's meant as anyway) and I watched a film (in it's entirety) for the first time in many many months. (The Cove, a documentary about dolphins in Taiji, Japan).  All in all, a very lovely weekend that has me itching for warmer weather and excited about how much fun awaits us this year as we grow and explore together.

On the chicken front, the girls seem to be doing alright and going about their normal routine just fine with one little exception... since we lost Henrietta, we've only gotten one egg a day from Pearl, our Buff Orpington.  This leads me to believe that Mabel (our remaining Red Star) is either on a laying strike after witnessing last week's tragedy, or that she is and has always been a freeloader.  Hmm.  Guess we'll see.

Heading to Memphis to visit with family and celebrate my grandfather's 80th this coming weekend~  Lots of road trips coming up for this little family of ours.  If anyone has road trip tips for 14 month olds, I'd love to hear them!

here are some scenes from our weekend~

haiku Friday~ Japan

An original haiku likely addressing something that's going on in our little corner of the world.  Sweet and simple and occasionally accompanied by a relevant photo. 

I pause, reflecting
on sorrow that spreads worldwide
grateful for here, now




My heart goes out to the people of Japan for all that they have seen and lived through this last week.  To those who lost their lives, to those experiencing overwhelming loss who now must find a way to go on, to the miles and miles of farmland laying in ruins beneath seawater...  To say that it is tragic is an understatement, yet what else can we say?  Of course unspeakably horrible things happen daily, hourly, on this planet yet when something of this magnitude occurs it knocks us all off balance and leaves us a bit speechless.  It is shocking.  It is scary.  It is humbling and it makes us question so very much and hold so very tight to what we treasure most.

And there's the guilt.  Can't forget that.  The guilt we feel because we are here.  Alive.  Enjoying our breakfasts and the smiles of our babies.  Our warm safe homes.  Our relatively uncomplicated and unburdened lives.  Maybe they have no breakfast.  Maybe their baby was washed away by the sea.  And then as time passes we start to feel a bit less guilty though perhaps we are still holding our loved ones quite closer than we were before.  And taking in the smells and tastes and joys a bit more consciously.  A bit more intentionally.  And that's good.  Thank goodness for seeking out the good... something good, where there is so much that is bad.... so much horror and fear and sadness.

We do what we can.  We reflect, maybe pray.  Send love, maybe money.  We open our hearts and allow vulnerability to creep in a bit more than usual and that's alright.

What else can we do, really?

Yesterday I came across this post by Ruth Reichl.  Sweet.  Simple.  I love what she says about having a moral responsibility to appreciate what we have.

So I suppose that's what we can do.  We can appreciate what we have.  Now.  While we are here and while we have it, whatever and whoever it is.

Maybe we can even allow ourselves not to feel guilty about it.  After all, who would that serve?  Not us. Not them.

So serve yourself.  Love yourself.  Appreciate what you have and be grateful for life while you've got it. That's what I aim to do.

rather boring, actually

Nothing exciting here today.  Especially, thank goodness, nothing like the kind of excitement we had yesterday.  Today I'm just gonna write about my clothes and seeds again.  There's your fair warning.

So, clothes.  I am happy to report that I actually did what I set out to do.  It feels good.  There's something refreshing and even liberating about opening my closet door and being able to see all of my clothes at once, with nowhere for anything to hide.  Now, if I notice a shirt or skirt sitting around a while being ignored I can just throw it on or pass it along.  This Winter I was pretty ruthless with my sweaters, partly because I was on a hunt for recycled sweater stuffed animal material, and partly because I accepted that many of mine were shapeless and unflattering.  Don't go thinking I'm against shapeless and unflattering clothing, because of course there's a place for that in any wardrobe, but I assure you I had more than my fair share.  And so the next victim of my ruthlessness?  Skirts.  I have several that I've seldom or even never worn so now they will have to pass some tests.  Get cramming skirts, gonna be a tough one.

Another thing about me and clothes.... or maybe it's me and clothes and motherhood.... seems I don't wear all that many clothes anyway.  And I don't mean that in a fun kinda way.  One recent morning after I returned home from an early appointment, Mike looked me up and down and said "You're wearing clothes.  (pause)  Before noon."  I laughed but it seemed he was actually surprised.  Hmm.  Well, I guess I hadn't really noticed so much.  And by the way, if you read this babe, not the thing a girl wants to hear her husband say after looking her up and down.  Though thanks to your little kindly observation I have been making more of an effort to get dressed (and even make the bed!) shortly after rising.  Have you noticed?  Bet you have.

Anyway, here are my "after" shots.... an empty dresser and an organized closet:

Okay, enough about clothes.

Seeds!

With raised beds this year, I plan to be (and will have to be) a bit more thoughtful about how many seedlings I start and what I plant.  And a bit more realistic, too.  As in, if I start several just in case some don't do well, I will still only plant what we need and not all of them just because I haven't the heart to toss those precious little hard-working sprouts.  Not that I've had trouble with that in the past.  Nope.  Not at all.  And summer squash?  Well,  I will only plant one (or two) plants, not six (or ten).  Really.  Even though they sprout so quickly and make me feel so productive and satisfied as I watch them grow (and grow and grow and grow...)  Yep.  One.  Or two.  But that's all.  So what will I plant?  What will fill our lovely new raised beds?  Here's the plan, roughly.

Tomatoes:
1 Sungold
1 Yellow Pear or Patio Cherry
2 Eva Purple Ball
2 Brandywine
1 Arkansas Traveler

Greens:
Kale
Spinach
Collards
Tatsoi

garlic
onions and leeks (though only a small patch this year)
radishes
snap peas
green beans
eggplant
cucumbers
sweet Italian peppers
beets
Summer squash, 1 or 2 (and maybe a Patty-Pan if I can get a few seeds or find a start)
Winter squash: Long Island Cheese, Hubbard, Delicata, Butternut, various pumpkin.... don't know exactly where all of this orange deliciousness will grow... but I've got a while to figure it out

NO carrots or broccoli, for as much as I love both, they don't seem to like it here, or don't like me, or
something....

potatoes- SO fun, just need to find some space for them...

flowers- gotta have some flowers
herbs- basil, parsley, dill, chives, sage, rosemary, thyme...

Of course there's always room, somehow, for a wee bit of flexibility!

With the beautiful weather and ready beds, I am trying hard to resist getting some of these started today.  We are going out of town for a bit next week and I know I really shouldn't start them and then abandon them for 4 days.  We'll see.  Suppose I should wait.  No fun.

In the meantime, I'm getting quite excited about our upcoming adventures of the apis mellifera sort!

cheers!

minus one in the hen house~

Today we discovered the answer to our question about what would happen if one of our hens got out and Wolfie encountered her while we weren't around.  Sadly, the answer appears to be that he would kill her.  I know I shouldn't be surprised.  But I am a bit sad about it.

This afternoon, after a somewhat rushed and out-and-about kind of morning, Claire and I came home and went to visit and tend to the hens.  It took me a few moments to realize we seemed to be down one, and after looking around the little hen yard and inside their coop I started to look around the yard, still calm.  After all, Mabel had gotten out twice and both times everything turned out alright, even when Wolfie did see her.  Now where was sweet Henrietta?  Then I noticed that I didn't see a hen anywhere.  Or Wolfie.  Uh oh.

So, knowing what I was very likely about to find, I peered around the backside of the shed that Wolfie has recently started spending a lot of time behind and there she was.  And there he was.  Feathers everywhere.  Not too bloody.  Seems he took a wing and broke her neck.  As I approached he slinked away knowing that by my tone I was not at all pleased.  Ugh.  What do you do?  Here we have a healthy shepherd-husky mix who was simply following his instincts.  Still, I was mad.  I was furious.

Rest in peace, sweet Henrietta~  thank you so much for your delicious eggs and for the wonderful entertainment you provided without even knowing it.  I am sorry that we didn't keep you safer.

Seems I should have a picture of her here instead of this guy, but I couldn't find a good one with her in it and looking at this sweet photo is helping me to be a bit less mad at him.  Ugh.

the ol' heave ho

I've recently been inspired to again go through my wardrobe in hopes of getting it to a more manageable and usable size.  I tend to whittle away at it a tad each year, donating small boxes of seldom worn items and yet still I find that I have way more than I need (swaps and thrifting, anyone?).  I'm sure in comparison to many, many women out there I already have a small and simple wardrobe, but for me it's just too much.  Too many things saved for "just one more year, and if I don't wear it then I will toss it", and way too many things designated for wear during painting/gardening/sleeping when in fact I almost never find myself painting,  always sleep in the same few things,  and don't wear specific clothes for gardening but instead am generally inclined not to roll around in the mud or chicken poo.  Generally.  Of course there are always exceptions.

I have also noticed the last few times we've travelled that even though I have made it a point to only bring (what I thought was) a small amount of clothing,  I still only wore a handful of items.  My go-to clothes, I guess.  And so my goal with this round of wardrobe management was/is to be ruthless and to dive in and not be afraid to let go of some things.  Shouldn't I be able to reach into my closet and be happy with whatever I pull out?  Why hold onto the articles of clothing that don't fit, aren't comfortable or flattering (although yes, dear, I am keeping all 3 pairs of my beyond comfortable though admittedly very unflattering Thai Fisherman Pants~ no apologies) or haven't been worn for years?  No reason, I say.  Simplify, simplify, I say.

So here is what it looked like, and is still in stages of looking like:

Before: my entire wardrobe (including the dirty hamper and only excluding the pj's I am wearing while taking the photo.... I am keeping those anyway and it is cold) dumped out on or around our dining table

During:  to the left in the first photo is the "keep" pile,  to the right is the "still deciding" pile, mostly outerwear.  That keep pile still looks pretty big to me, but keep in mind that's everything~ clothes for all seasons, outerwear, pjs, undergarments, my few pieces of grown-up dressy clothes.... everything.  Photo #2 is the "get rid of or re-purpose" pile. (though the re-purposing part may prove to be a bit tricky seeing as how I still need to get and learn to use a sewing machine.  It's been a long time since I made shorts and hair scrunchies in 8th grade home economics..... must've been a while seeing as how I made "scrunchies")

Me, halfway through and getting tired of trying things on and making decisions...

And Claire helping to organize, as she always does, but this time by trying on my undergarments.  Hmm.

And I will save the nicely organized "after" photo for when I've got it all nicely organized back in my closet.  Hopefully very soon.  I have decided that an acceptable finished product will be one bin of nonseasonal items in the storage shed, and everything else fitting nicely, with breathing room, in my closet.  I am passing on my dresser (that I currently share with Claire) to Mike as his will become Claire's (and surely it will be full of cutely repurposed former mama clothes living out their second life as adorable pants and dresses for her, right?) when we get her set up in a room of her own in the somewhat near future.  You know, within the next 15 years or so.

One bit that I've learned from dressing a baby and hope that I can apply to dressing myself: pay no mind to the size on the tag and worry only about how it fits.  Simple, right?  Uh huh.

Now off to organize my seed collection, get some started and pass the rest along...

haiku Friday~ heal

An original haiku likely addressing something that's going on in our little corner of the world.  Sweet and simple and occasionally accompanied by a relevant photo. 

now we're on the mend

sickness out while Spring comes in

one last little snow 

       

making me smile

While it's great to look for beauty in ordinary little moments every day, I find it to be especially helpful on these cold dreary days when I find myself stuck inside with a sick little babe.

And so, some of the things that are bringing some smiles to my little corner of Sicktown today....

*The Van Morrison Pandora station and my introduction to Wilson Pickett's cover of Sam Cooke's Bring it on Home to Me.  Ah, that's nice.

*French toast for one, served up on a lovely little plate that's part of a small set I was recently given by a friend (thanks, Jennifer).  One of my favorite things to eat, I've never made it just for myself.  But this morning oatmeal (which I really do love) just wasn't gonna cut it and I realized "hey, I am so worth the effort of french toast, even if it's just for me".  And ta-da.  Not so much effort after all, it turns out.  And even better than usual because it was made with this bread and eggs from our hens, accompanied by a cup of this tasty chai that I stumbled upon the link for over on innerpickle.  One of the trickier parts of having a spouse who works 24 hour shifts several times a month is figuring out the cooking for one (and a half?) part and trying not to end up eating nachos and cereal on those days.  Or at least not all of those days....

*this bookshelf, finally up and organized after months of living in "to-do list hiatus" land, and the new little space for her books that was freed up after it was in place~

*little hands figuring things out...... and the proud, beaming smiles that come along with it~

*and most definitely, the nap that she is taking right now that is surely restoring a bit of her energy and certainly some of my own~

cheers

hunkered down in Sicktown

Unfortunately, Sicktown isn't some quaint little New England village or oddly named European hillside town.  It's our house.  For the last 5 or 6 days this little girl of mine has been S-I-C-K sick, and now mama's feeling the congestion working it's way into my sinuses and fogging up my head.  The good news is that I think we are through the worst of it.  She is, at the moment, sleeping in bed without me next to her on constant waking-coughing-get-her-back-to-sleep patrol for the first time in several days, so that's promising.

It's no fun, life in Sicktown with a little one.  If only she knew how to blow her nose and could understand what was going on in her little body.  For the first few days I dosed her up with lots of herbs and steam, essential oils and homeopathic remedies.... the way I normally care for myself and try to care for Mike when he's not well.  (though he prefers the "lay on the couch while Amanda brings me food" approach) Well, it didn't seem to touch it.  So I brought out the big guns and gave her a little cough syrup and tylenol before bedtime for a couple nights and I think it helped make her a bit more comfortable.  If nothing else, it brought the number of hours slept those nights up from 2-3 and closer to maybe 4 or 5.

It's not all bad here in Sicktown, though.  Some close friends of ours are in town for the week and it's been great visiting, hiking, laughing and baking with them, with lots of visiting and exploring still to come.  Mike's parents are coming for a few days at the end of the week and I've heard there is a house tour on the agenda.  I've also been told that one thing all of the houses have in common is that they are within walking distance of our home.  I realize not everyone would be delighted to hear their in-laws are thinking of buying a second home within earshot of their own, but I've lucked out in that department.  They are pretty great.

No photos today.  Who wants to look at photos of wadded up tissues or containers of Vick's and cough syrup anyway?

Here's to health and wellness, and sunny days ahead~

haiku Friday~ visitors

An original haiku likely addressing something that's going on in our little corner of the world.  Sweet and simple and occasionally accompanied by a relevant photo. 

       

today, two:

bread is on the rise
visitors are on their way
birdsong fills the air


teeth are coming in
seems her cold won't go away
sleep sure does sound nice

What does "acceptable risk-taking" look like to you?

So now that we've got a little walker, playgrounds are looking a bit different.  It used to be the tunnels that drew her attention, but now we're on to bigger and better things.  Slides and stairs are calling her name loud and clear.  We met some friends at the playground the other day and somewhere in all the playing and climbing and laughing I got a chance to take a good hard look at myself and start thinking about what it is that "safe" means to me.  In terms of acceptable risk-taking.  Acceptable risk-taking by my 13 month old child.


My child.  Wow.  And I'd thought I'd gotten completely used to saying that....

I don't want to hold her back from exploring her limits and testing out the world or learning from experience.  I know that she will stumble and fall and will be just fine.  I know that she will often gauge my reactions, using them to help fine tune her own and develop ideas about the way things work.

But here's the thing.

She's my baby.

I'm thinking this may be the beginning of some of the trickier parts of parenting.  Hmm.

And I thought the earlier stuff was hard.

Yes, I let her climb the stairs, yes I let her go down the slide by herself, and yes I stood there and watched her tumble out of the higher end of the tunnel as she learned that it's better to back out of it than to go head first....  but it wasn't easy to do.  Although really, the playground equipment of today is pretty foolproof, safety-wise.  Certainly in comparison to the stuff I played on in elementary school, anyway.  I recall tall metal ladders that were burning hot in the sun and had no side rails, even at 10 or 12 feet up.  I recall large metal domes and metal climbing gyms placed over asphalt.  I remember hanging upside down from the horizontal bars of the large metal climbing gym over the asphalt.  What I don't remember is any of my classmates' brains going splat on the asphalt or legs breaking from falls over the side of the slide.

I remember doing my homework when I was maybe 8 years old, 6 or 8 feet up in a neighbor's tree, carefully wedged between two branches with my books balanced in front of me and a bowl of warm sugary Grape-Nuts in my lap.  I climbed trees in our yard and in the woods behind our house and sometimes I fell and got a bit scratched up, but I was alright.  I even remember once climbing high enough in the tree on the other side of my neighbor's house that I called to my parents over her roof and waved to them.  They weren't crazy about that.  But I was alright.

I'm glad my parents gave me some space to figure many things out on my own and didn't run after me holding my hand every step of the way.  I'm glad they let me dig in the dirt and climb trees and swing from grape vines.  I feel like there was a good balance there, in my childhood, of exercising caution and giving me freedom.  I hope to parent Claire in much the same way.  And yet as I write this and picture her climbing trees and metal domes and swinging from vines my heart is beating a little faster and I'm a tad nervous just thinking about it.

Because she's my baby.

Guess I have a ways to go.  Good thing she does, too.  I suppose we'll get there together.

I'm curious to hear from those of you who are parents.  What do safety and acceptable risk-taking mean to you?  What helped shape your ideas along the way?

Adventures in bipedalism....

Nearly two weeks since the first steps were taken, and this little lady is becoming well versed in the ins and outs of walking.  She quite enjoys her new mode of transportation and has evolved from slow unsure steps to reaching up for our help to making it clear across the house on her own and wanting to get up by herself when she stumbles.  Certainly the era of "I wanna do it all by myself!" hasn't started yet, has it?  Of course she isn't saying that yet, but the looks she gives (and the way she squeals and pushes my extended hand away) makes it clear.  Quite.  I have a feeling this one isn't going to have any trouble expressing what she does and doesn't want.  We just might be in for it.

I am slowly getting accustomed to seeing her up on her feet walking around....   It was so odd at first, but now she's just one of us... another biped in the house.

All that practicing makes her tired and there's nothing much more relaxing than snacking and swinging on a warm(ish) almost-Spring day:

She keeps us on our toes, for sure~  I'm hoping she gives us a while to adjust before tying on her running shoes.